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Friday, 30 September 2011 (exposed to the light) 10:32am So, no gym this week! Or next week probably either, since I'll be housesitting in Sacramento. But none this morning because I spent the night at Marta's, continuing our processing session. (Things are more resolved than they were.) I'm at Dash now, pretending to be productive, until she gets off work this afternoon. My editor at the weekly has left. I don't know why, or exactly what this means for my future there. The stuff I already have in the pipeline is still there, and I'll continue to put things in the pipeline until they close off said pipeline to me. My latest article, the second about Bad Movie Night, just went live this morning, which I'm taking to be a good sign. 2:52pm Davina joined us for a while, which was nice—we've never really spent as much time hanging out as we should—and now Marta and I are heading Japantown-ward. 5:56pm Marta and I are having our standard comfort dinner of of Hiyashi Deluxe and sushi and Osakaya. Earlier, on a hunch, I tried my luck at Amiko Boutique, and it paid off: I acquired a seriously cute black-and-pink hoodie by tokidoki which actually fits and looks good. While it'll fit better when I've started back at the gym (coincidentally, the model looks quite a lot like Raphaela, who I text every so often but doesn't reply), it's a major score all the same, the first thing anything from Amiko has worked on me. It's a burst of vain self-confidence I really needed right now. We're heading back to my place to watch television and to heal. Definitely one, hopefully the other. | ||
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Thursday, 29 September 2011 (a target for faraway laughter) 2:16pm I've been working at home for most of the day, and am heading to Marta's place soon. There's more processing to be done, whether we particularly want to or not. Things are unresolved. | ||
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Wednesday, 28 September 2011 (the taste of summer on your skin) 2:33pm At Dash, after an expected night spent at Marta's. It's also very warm outside, so this is as good a place to be as any. The marketing guy apparently got a letter from the EDD about my unemployment insurance claims. I've explained it to him—that I've never listed them as a former employer, but rather as an ongoing part-time job—and he seems cool with it. Hopefully it'll be cool with the EDD as well. 8:13pm At home now, and the big processing begins. | ||
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Tuesday, 27 September 2011 (who'll buy the wine) 9:44am No spinning this morning, since I spent an uexpected night at Marta's. Well, semi-unexpected. I'd brought along my pajama bottoms and clean underwear just in case. Really, I should start keeping such things there, since she keeps clothes here. Back home now, though I'll be returning this afternoon to hang out before we got to the Goldies' for Breaking Bad. I'm sufficiently caught up with schoolwork (and managed to finally get access to the back issues of the Association of Moving Image Archivists peer-reviewed journal The Moving Image for my upcoming Journal Review), so today's about working on other things. There are always plenty of other things. | ||
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Monday, 26 September 2011 (sing me back home) 10:11am No gym this morning, since I was too wired when I got home from Bad Movie Night (a nearly full post-Folsom house for Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus, yay) to go to bed on time. The afternoon latte at Borderlands, maybe? I don't know. But I was very productive there, at least. Today is all about schoolwork, and then going over to Marta's place for more working. Maybe. | ||
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Sunday, 25 September 2011 (memory motel) 5:17pm At Borderlands, writing. It's the Folsom Street Fair today, but nobody invited us to join them, so there's no point in going. (Friends of ours may well be going, but we weren't invited. We've discovered that we don't get invited to as many things lately.) Part of me misses the days when I would go on adventures of my own, at least to the Power Exchange (which remains as hated as it ever was), but, well, these aren't those days, there was a lot wrong about those days, and I did write a book about it. Whether the book ever gets published remains to be see (c'mon, arty French publisher, roll the dice on me!), but it's been commemorated all the same. I've made plans with the friend who didn't want to see me earlier this month to get together soon for dinner and talking things through, so all is not lost there. I've also been corresponding with some potential new friends, a couple Marta and I met at The Roundup, and dinner plans are forming. They're particularly special in that of all the people we've met over the past few months between the Roundup at the Leather-Levi Weekend, they're the only ones who've responded when I've tried to keep in touch with them after said events. But they've been very friendly and seem genuinely interested in getting to know Marta and I, and I think it's going to work out nicely, even if I have a sneaking suspicion that their ultimate answer to my Big Question is going to be no. Not that I've been able to form the question just yet, but I have a few weeks to figure it out. | ||
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Saturday, 24 September 2011 (that's all it took) 2:45pm At Sun Rise with Marta. We managed to have sex without me breaking down in tears this morning, did various erranding, and are now having a belated lunch. I'd been thinking that from here I'd going to Borderlands and then to the closing night of Star Trek at The Dark Room and then to the Goldies' to watch Breaking Bad with them (I've already seen the episode, but I'm always happy to watch it again), but am thinking now that I might just return with Marta to her place. Being out in the world too much, especially on my own, sounds kind of overwhelming. And I want to spend as much time with Marta as I can right now. sometime after midnight After Sun Rise we just went straight back to Marta's place to work for a few more hours, and then had dinner with her roommate slash ex-boyfriend at Hotei. I went to the Goldies' on my own for Breaking Bad, and they invited me to stay longer and watch other stuff with them, but I declined, both because I needed to swing back by Marta's to pick up my laptop's mouse (which I'd stupidly left there and evidently cannot live without), plus I was worreid that if I stayed too much longer I'd be soon be too tired to leave. Of course, I'm home now and wide awake. That's how that works. | ||
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Friday, 23 September 2011 (on es-tu, mon amour?) 11:03am The blog post that my editor likes so much, about Bruce Willis's musical career in the late eighties, is is already up, since she pushed it to the top of the queue. It's good to have an advocate. Went to bootcamp this morning, the first time in forever. It felt brutal, as always, and all the people who've actually been attending regularly assured me that it was tougher than usual. Still, I feel incredibly out of shape. Am I? I don't even know anymore. At Dash now, since my landlord's finally working on the electricity at the Black Light District. It already feels like CuteNerdyGirlFest 2011 here, and Marta hasn't even arrived yet. 4:31pm At New People while Marta sees her shrink, and then we're going back to my place to get caught up on our various returning television shows and just generall relax. We both need it. | ||
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Thursday, 22 September 2011 (one hell of a ride) 11:46am Did the spin class at the gym this morning, sans Rita, who's not feeling well. (Nobody is.) The First and I had been talking about going to a movie at the Balboa that she really wants me to see, but she had to cancel. Just as well, since though I'd love to see her, I have a ton of work to do. It just keeps piling up. I've also noticed that by the time in the morning, I've pretty well tuned out Janeway's incessant howling. You kinda have to get used to it, or go a little crazy. 6:21pm The weekly's editor just wrote to rave about how much she likes one of my new blog posts, one I finished and submitted last night, which she calls "pure evil genius." I'll take that. | ||
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Wednesday, 21 September 2011 (we'll sweep out the ashes in the morning) 2:13pm At Dash with Marta. It's been one of those day-long (in the sense that it started last night) fights that all otherwise healthy couples must have every so often, one where the underlying question is "Why are you who you are, and not who you want me to be?" We were more or less doing okay this morning until I start crying during sex, which I feel like must have surely happened by now but I don't remember offhand until when—one of the final times with Vash, perhaps?)—but what really got me was the realization that as we were getting rough with each other, which we do anyway, I was also venting some of my genuine frustrations with her, and that's not okay. So we switched into process mode once I was able to talk. Most of the things that really needed to be said came into mind while I was crying, but they just could not make it to my mouth. But we worked through a lot, and continued in a lower-key manner over a pancake brunch at Howard's. And now we're here, doing much better, I think. Meanwhile, my latest post for the weekly—about Bad Movie Night, of all things, done at the request of my editor—is up. | ||
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