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Tuesday, 31 May 2011 (trick of the light) 10:32am Or not—Ilene's not going to be able to do Wednesday after all because of a change in Liam and Daisy's travel plans. That's how it goes sometimes. I mean, it's still a good sign, but it's not going to happen this week. Damn. 8:59pm Another Bottomfeeder rejection: Although there's plenty of eye-popping stuff in here, I have to be honest that I never felt like the author really bared her heart and hooked me in at a true emotional level. And so I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass. I do wish you and the author the best of luck with this.Some rejections say I reveal a lot of myself (too much, maybe?), and others say I don't reveal enough. Never can tell. | ||
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Monday, 30 May 2011 (trying to get through) 12:10pm It's our two-year anniversary, and Marta and I are going to The Hot Tubs. It's not our anniversary tradition as yet—last year's anniversary celebration involved, sushi, Portishead and Ecstasy, which wasn't half-bad, either—but it sounds like a good one to me. 8:59pm After we had our anniversary shvitz, we went to Miller's East Coast Deli for lunch. Originally we were just going to get stuff to bring to a potluck, but we were both actually very hungry, so we sat down and noshed away. The potluck in question was at Liam and Daisy's house as Ilene housesits for them (they left early this morning), a low-key affair attended by what I used to think of as our core group—myself and Marta and Ilene and Porter and Davina and Mouse—and which I hope will be again. The noticeable lack of tension was a good sign in that direction, I think, and Marta and I are going to have dinner with Ilene on Wednesday, which is also a good sign. | ||
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Sunday, 29 May 2011 (don't let go the coat) 5:13pm The barbecue was a success, I daresay. I met the boy's parents, who apparently have heard many and good things about me from him, and his mother in particular seemed to take a shine to me. (As mothers often will.) It was nice to finally see the upstairs—I'm always curious about how each successive tenant decorates it—but we were mostly in the backyard. I also learned that, say, if I'm stoned and they knock on my door, it won't be a problem. I've worried about that a little, but it's quite the non-issue with them, because they may well be stoned, too. I might have even taken a hit a little while ago, except that I have to head to The Dark Room now. sometime after midnight Daisy co-hosted Bad Movie Night for the first time tonight (for Surrogates), bringing out both Marta and Ilene, neither of whom usually come to the show, and the first time we've seen the latter since the former collapsed last month. Hey, whatever does the trick. | ||
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Saturday, 28 May 2011 (smash the mirror) 6:13pm Found a note taped to my front door this afternoon by my neighbors, inviting Marta and I to join them for a backyard barbecue tomorrow. Our operating theory is that they were originally going to knock on the door and speak to me in person, but it was while Marta and I were having sex, so they chose to leave a note instead, which they've never done before. I've really gotta give them my email address. In any event, it's terribly sweet of them, and the first time my neighbors have invited me to do anything with them in many years. At Borderlands now. Marta was here with me for a couple hours but has left to have dinner with boyfriend, and I'm waiting for the (unexpected) rain to subside a little before heading to Tenebris's monthly furry party. 11:01pm I can't remember the last time I was around gay boys who so clearly did not care for my presence. Maybe younger furries really dislike girls? I don't know, but it made me realize that open contempt is a comparatively rare thing in my life, and for that I'm grateful. sometime after midnight Tenebris was once again a completely gracious host, as was his mate, and they both seemed very happy to have me there. The other two actual guests, not so much. There was only the one guest for much of the evening—turnout was very light, between the rain and the holiday weekend—and it was very clear he didn't like having a girl around. Or maybe he was just lacking in people skills and it had nothing to do with my gender, which is also possible. But he was really much crankier with me than was at all necessary, essentially ignoring me unless he had something to snap at me about. The first couple hours were spent with me watching them play old console video games, and after about ten minutes of me playing Mega Bomberman on a Sega Genesis, he snapped: you're making this level much longer than it should! Yikes. Okay. Things like that. Later, the three of them played a board game which I chose to sit out of since the four page of rules (which took Tenebris a good ten minutes to read aloud) were way too complicated for me, and since it was strictly timed and played along with a video and the instructions explicitly said not to play unless you understood which you were doing. Which I did not. So. At one point the guest asked me about a certain detail in the rules, and when I said I didn't know, the guest practically spit: weren't you paying attention? I replied: i was listening, but i didn't retain any of it. that's why i chose not to play. He huffed in disgust. Later, when one of the few bits of the rules that I did retain came up, I tried to help. Him: the player is banished? to where? Me: the black hole. He looked at the rules, discovered that I was correct, and chose not to acknowledge or thank me at all. Because that would send the wrong message, no doubt. Later in the evening another guest arrived, and unfortunately it was the person I'd liked the least from last time, a slightly methy kid who had made no great attempt to hide his distaste for women last month, even going so far as to say that a dyke who'd been recently been rude to him should go back into the kitchen where she belongs. Charming. This evening, as I was getting ready to leave (we'd just watched a Cinematic Titanic movie and it was pushing one in the morning) he asked where I lived and if it would be too far out of the way for me to give him a ride home. Normally I have a policy of giving people rides wherever they need to go, but besides the fact that we were in the Excelsior and he needed to get to Nob Hill, the fact was that, no, I was not about to give him a ride anywhere. It would delay me getting back to my kitchen, after all. Plus, he smelled bad. So there's that. Don't know if I'll be going to next month's party. (Well, next-next month's party, since the June party falls on Pink Saturday, and I already have plans for Roughie Night II at Davina and Mouse's place that night.) I like Tenebris a lot, but I'm beginning to think this just isn't an environment where I belong. Most aren't. | ||
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Friday, 27 May 2011 (looking at the sun) 12:02pm Bootcamp this morning, been plowing through my work-work, Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation won the 2011 Lambda Literary Award for LGBT Anthology last night, my Agent just fowarded me this: Thanks for your patience these last few weeks while we check out Bottomfeeder. There is so much to admire here—the candid, clear prose, the amazing subculture depicted within, as well as the author's courage to be who she really is. Much respect, and I really enjoyed the read.All rejections should be so polite. Meanwhile, I got the squid four years ago. A lot's happened in those four years. 8:13pm Met up with Marta in Japantown after she got out of therapy, and before having our usual but always delicious dinner at Osakaya, we stopped in Amiko Boutique, because my recent shopping successes at Target and Buffalo Exchange (both stores which tend to acknowledge the wider range of American sizes, even if the bias is still towards peple much smaller than myself) made me cocky and I've coveting the Public Zoo shirts they carry, even though said shirts don't go about L, but L shirts from other brands have actually been too big for me (again, by American manufacturers, not Japanese manufacturers catering to the Japanese market like the Public Zoo, ignoring the propenderance of white girls on their site), so maybe maybe I might finally be fitting into these? They didn't actually have L-sized shirts that in styles that I would want to wear anyway, but there was a beautifully decorated XL hoodie from another manufacturer that I really liked but decided not to try on because it was $65. I couldn't quite stop thinking about it while we were walking around after dinner (including going into New People and browsing through Black Peace Now, a store in which everything is marked as M regardless of the apparent size), so we went back in so I could actually try it on. And while it sorta kinda fit, it was far too snug, especially at my shoulders, and one of the employees came over with an extremely distressed look on her face, no doubt worried that I was going to break the unposted "If It Don't Fit, Don't Force It" rule. She mentioned that they do have similar stuff, but, you know, for boys in boy sizes. I declined and felt suitably humbled. But it's good to try, I guess. | ||
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Thursday, 26 May 2011 (until you break) 10:11am Worked out this morning with Rita, working at my desk now. It's a sort of balance, I suppose. 4:21pm Making plans, or picking back up on plans, to go to Los Angeles for the weekend of the Fourth of July. If the trip happens, Marta and I will be staying with Melissa and Howard this time. (We'd been planning on staying with them anyway, but when I mentioned to Barefoot that we were planning on coming to town without specifically mentioning our lodging plans, he practially panicked as he explained all the reasons why we can't stay at his house. It's a very me reaction, all things considered.) And if it doesn't happen, we won't be. | ||
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Wednesday, 25 May 2011 (divine intervention) 4:21pm No work-work today. Picked up Marta from West Portal last night, we came home and had dinner and started burning through the first season of The Larry Sanders Show, I went to Bootcamp this morning, took Marta to work, went shopping at Target (got some more new tops—striking while the iron is hot and all), then came home and found that my work mojo was largely nonexistent. Alas. I've been doing quite well this month, enough to cover my bills and expenses for next month, so one day off won't make that much of a difference. | ||
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Tuesday, 24 May 2011 (your sweet voice) 8:56am Worked out with Rita this morning, for the first time since before I went to New York. She's the only person at the gym that I really open up to about my life (and the only person that I suspect would want me to—Yvette and I adore each other, but I think she'd have a difficult time accepting a lot of what I do), and I brought her up to speed on the events of the last couple of months, especially to how things have changed with Ilene and Marta. It's always good to get an outside perspective, especially from someone who's non-judgey, not to mention a social worker slash psychiatrist by trade. Free shrinking! | ||
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Monday, 23 May 2011 (the exodus is here) 6:41am Up early for a Monday, all things considered, but not early enough to go to Damiel's abs class. One of these Mondays. This one is going to be about erranding, then working from home. No Greenhouse for me this week. I get tired of my daily surroundings quickly, and the wifi definitely works here. 2:37pm There. Done with the day's actual rent-paying work. Now heading Missionward to get some me-writing done at Borderlands before squidtightening. 7:41pm The squid is now tightened. I had Ramah remove a few more tentacles from the middle of the top and back of my head—as she pointed out, I probably have less than half now of what I did when the squid first landed. And that's a good thing, I think. The post-tightening pain is now largely non-existent (especially compared to those horrible, horrible headaches), and, quite frankly, I think it looks better when it's sparser. And less male. That's important, too. Boys with dreads tend to have full heads of them with no particular style, whereas with girls parts of their heads tend to be shaved. The back of my head isn't shaved—I'm a little concerned about heat loss—but it's not a boy-looking style, either. | ||
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Sunday, 22 May 2011 (until you break) 11:31am My roots have been reblondified thanks to Marta, and I've added a bit of teal to my bangs, the same as in her hair. 4:28pm At Borderlands with Marta again, writing. It's what we do. 7:44pm An audience member at Bad Movie Night just complimented me on my "kilt." Feh. sometime after midnight Kilt comments notwithstanding—I just can't not think of that as parsing me as male—we got a great turnout for The Fifth Element tonight. Thank goodness. | ||
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Saturday, 21 May 2011 (missing time) 1:45pm Janeway, the wolf at my window, a comapartively rare shot her not on her hind legs with her nose against said window. She's a terribly sweet dog, but she doesn't quite understand why she doesn't get to come in here. (And the picture was taken with the ultra-hip Instagram app, of course.) 3:48pm At Borderlands with Marta, writing. The Rapture is supposed to hit California in a couple hours. Not holding my breath on that one. 6:02pm Yep, no Rapture. Got some great tops at Buffalo Exchange on Mission, though. After this we're going to have dinner at Old Jerusalem, then return to my place to watch Last Night, because. | ||
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