|
Friday, 20 May 2011 (into your drug) 9:12am Back to bootcamp this morning. The instructor and one of the regulars commented that they were on the verge of emailling me to make sure I was okay, which was nice of them. Also, when I commented that one of the other regulars than I'm turning thirty-eight next month, she said that I don't look it. Plus Rita's back, and she said I keep getting skinner. I'll take all of those. At My Desk at Greenhouse. Five days in a row! Apparently I've almost used my 3G data plan for this month. That's not good. I've been tethering the cafe's wifi through my phone since the wifi doesn't play nice directly with my laptop, and the 3G shouldn't be involved at all. No clue what's happening with that. | ||
 | ||
Thursday, 19 May 2011 (worse to live) 1:57pm Good spin class this morning. I actually sweated, which doesn't always happen. Bought a new pair of earmuffs at Great Wall Hardware, down the street from Greenhouse. Not as good as my last pair, but they'll do for now. Done with today's work-work. Gonna do my own writing for the next couple hours, then heading into the Haight to pick up my boots from Haight Street Shoe Repair, and maybe get some more faux-PVC leggings from New York Apparel. A pair that I bought there a couple weeks ago have been working out quite nicely, so of course, I must stock up while they exist. And they're only fifteen dollars per, which isn't bad at all. | ||
| ||
Wednesday, 18 May 2011 (write your own song) 10:11am No bootcamp this morning, since we were at Davina and Mouse's house pretty late. It was good, though. Dinner was delicious, beer was drank, and in the end as we were all tired and little buzzed and the green and purple fog was starting to glow, there was lots of Talking. I think things are going to work out just fine between us. At My New Desk and being productive, though unfortunately I seem to have lost my earmuffs. And the cafe's stereo is very loud, as always. 12:58pm Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation is on the sylllabus for a sexual ethics class at a seminary. It makes me extra-proud that my essay uses phrases like "fucks her in the ass," "suck off" and "money shot." | ||
| ||
Tuesday, 17 May 2011 (if time permits) 2:09pm Back to the gym this morning. Yvette's on vacation until next week, which makes me feel all the guiltier for having disappeared on her last week. I still have no idea what's happening with Rita. At Greenhouse now, at the table I was at yesterday, which I now consider to be the new My Desk. It's good to mix things up a bit, and this one has the advantage of being in the corner so nobody can see my screen. I used to sit here a lot back when this was Mocha 101, and I'd predicted that this was where Landing on Water would mostly be written. Which is pretty much true, and now it's probably where it'll be rewritten. My Agent wrote to inform me that Bottomfeeder is now being read (or is in the queue to be read) by a new editor. It's at a publisher which had rejected it before, but in the meantime they've pretty much collapsed and reformed, so it's being read by all-new people. Done with today's work-work—my producitivy this month has been pretty solid, which is good, because the next few months are going to be expensive—and I'm heading out soon to the Y again to get my financial aid re-upped, doing some erranding (including hopefully getting more of those fit-just-right tops from Target), picking up Marta from work, then going to Davina and Mouse's for dinner and Talking. 5:41pm Getting stuck in downtown rush hour traffic? I don't recommend it. sometime after midnight That went well, I think. | ||
| ||
Monday, 16 May 2011 (in reverse) 8:21pm Someone is already at My Desk. Fine. I'll sit somewhere else. That'll show 'em! So. Saturday night's Big Makeup Experiment was attempting to do the Pris look as best as I could given my own limitations as makeup-applying person, and specifically being faithful to the fact there's a significant amout of blue involved, a detail which is usually ignored by cosplayers and YouTube tutorials and the like. And I've done it my own variations on it in the past, usually in red with other non-canonical flourishes, but this time I wanted to get it more or less right (using Maybelline Expertwear Single Eyeshadow Turquoise Jewel High Pearl for the blue), inasmuch as it's possible for someone like myself to do without the aid of Marvin Westmore actually applying the makeup (not to mention cinematographer Jordan Cronenweth lighting and photographing it on 70mm to director Ridley Scott's exacting standards), because what the hell, I'm feeling like I've finally lost enough weight to do it justice. Because, you know, I'm brainwashed by the patriarchal beauty standard or whatever, which also helps me to get past the fact that I'm sixteen years older now than Daryl Hannah was at the, and have never been anywhere near as pretty as her anyway. But I've gotta work with what I have and what I am. I was also aware that this particular makeup wouldn't exactly help in the whole "getting identified as a cat" thing and would most likely put me firmly into raccoon territory, especially given the fact that few people parsed my purple ears as signifying cat,but that was okay. The exact animal seems less important amongst furries than it is among animal role-players, and even with them the whole "consent and identification can change from moment to moment" rule still applies), and my primary intention was to acheive a costume / persona level crossed the necessary line, whatever line it was that Ilene had crossed, to show that I was game. So to speak, as it were, no pun intended. Ilene herself was not going to be there, but the boy she'd danced with and cuddle-piled with at Frolic last month would be, the one who I susbsequently met at Tenebris's party and have since emailed with a little, just enough to establish that I'd like to dance with him—though I didn't go the full Vanishing route with my neurosis about recreating her experience—and I had the blessings of the major people involved, in that Marta was tentatively okay with it all, provided that she could either join in if she wanted to (which she can, she always can) or would have friends there should could be with while I was off doing whatever I was doing (Davina and Mouse were definitely going to be there, and Daisy and Liam seem to be becoming regulars, so she was covered in that department); and almost as important as Marta's comfort level was the erstwhile Ilene being okay with it, and indeed she was, having revealed that she had sent the boy to Tenebris's party with instructions to introduce himself to me, and she also explicitly told me it was okay for me to dance with him and follow that rabbit hole wherever it might lead, that I wouldn't be treading in her territory by doing so. Or, at the very least, that I was more than welcome to do so, since it was a hole we'd originally intended to explore together. In any event, things were going to happen tonight, a time for me to both establish my own identity there apart from Ilene (as not just the hot and adventurous girl's friend but as a hot and adventurous girl myself), while also being ready for her return next month. I wanted to be ready for whatever happened, and ninety percent of that was looking the part. Plus, as always, the makeup looked good on me. That's never not an important detail. I knew I'd get strange looks from the humies, but, again, that's nothing new. I left the Black Light District at a quarter to six, picked up Marta, and we drove into SOMA and parked across from The Stud. Our plan was to have dinner somewhere, then kill a few hours at Wicked Grounds until The Stud actually opened and Frolic began. Things began to go south during dinner at Manora's Thai (which, unless I'm misremembering, I have not been to since the night that everything changed a million years ago) due to both a surprisingly anemic vegetarian menu and Marta's choice of the Salad Kak from it being much more like a traditional American salad and not as Thai-y as she quite reasonably expected a dish with the word "Kak" in it at a Thai restaruant to be. I offered to trade her for my Pad Thai, and she gratefully accepted, her eyes starting to brim with tears. As far as i was concerned it worked out just fine, because I found the salad to be delicious, and probably had more protein than the Pad Thai, protein I was going to need later in the evening. Though she'd sobbed on and off through dinner, we were about a block away en route to Wicked Grounds when Marta broke down crying. Though we've had our share of problems lately, this was purely external stuff—Marta and her boyfriend's future in their current apartment is looking uncertain at best, and she discovered earlier in the day that a cherry apartment she'd been hoping to move into has pretty much fallen through. She'd been keeping it together up until that point, and was looking forward to Frolic (even suggesting that we do E for it, which I of course was all for), but it was now exceedingly obvious that she was going to be in tears on and off for the rest of the night. I asked her if she'd rather just go home, and she nodded, so we did. I texted Davina and Tenebris to let them know we wouldn't be there, and later emailed the boy, just in case. I had a trouble getting to sleep that night, since few things are less conducive to relaxation than the persistent feeling that you're in the wrong place, that an important opportunity is being missed, that things were not going the way they were supposed to. But it was hardly the first time. On Sunday we walked down to Lincoln to watch a bit of Bay to Breakers, shared an eggy bagel at the Sea Biscuit, then ventured into the depths of Target in Colma to get some necessarily evil shopping done. Got at least one new top, an L-sized tee (which is a major victory for me, getting down to an L) with a plungey neckline and which actually fits me just right and either makes the shape of my body look much better than it is, or shows off that my body's shape is looking pretty good. Either way, I intend to return soon to acquire more. Though it can feel really good when formerly tight clothes start to get loose, after a while you just want clothes that fit properly. | ||
| ||
Sunday, 15 May 2011 (following the same sound) 12:46pm Reply from My Agent about the next few chapters of Landing on Water: Good job! Getting started, I feel it.She also included a wealth of edits and suggestions about the formatting—understandably so, being a rough draft, albeit one I've been futzing with for over eleven years—but the important thing is that she likes the direction it's going, which means that I now have an actual direction for it. Yay. Plus, one of the editors is definitely supposed to be reading Bottomfeeder f'reals this weekend. So there's that, too. 10:53pm Finally, a halfway decent crowd at Bad Movie Night, for Live Free or Die Hard. Marta and I have also registered for the Leather-Levi Weekend 2011 this August. Sometimes, you just gotta leap right in. | ||
| ||
Saturday, 14 May 2011 (we're the same) 3:53pm I got to be relatively early last night and didn't exactly expend a lot of energy today, but I just napped for a couple hours all the same. I'm pretty sure it qualifies as a disco nap, even this early in the day. 5:22pm Just finished the Big Makeup Experiment, the first of what I expect will be many experiments tonight. I hope. 8:11pm Or not. | ||
| ||
Friday, 13 May 2011 (remember the day) 12:46pm I didn't get to sleep until one o'clock last night, so no Bootcamp this morning, plus I'm still trying to get better or whatever. Marta and I met in front of the Citadel last night at seven and found ourselves a loveseat to claim, her having come straight from work and me bearing dinner from Trader Joe's in the form of hummus and carrots and pita bread. And orange juice, both because of the battling-a-cold issue and the potential for bloodletting later in the evening. The first half-hour of the class was intended to be dinnertime anyway, and one of the other attendees accepted our open offer to have share our food. There was plenty of it, and it's always a good idea to break bread when possible, especially in a new group of people. The husband-and-wife instructors have surely seen me around over the years, including at previous classes of theirs, and they seemed warmer to me than in the past, which was nice. The next couple hours were lecture and demonstration and Q&A, some stuff I knew and some I didn't, but all of it was new to Marta. As it was, even though we were there because it was something I very much wanted to do, I think I got a bit more squicked out than she did, mostly because of the frequent references to accidental needle-sticks (and how the top can avoid them). I have a strange relationship with needles, to put it mildly, and I still have absolutely no interest in getting an actual piercing, not even my ears. I'd probably sooner get a tattoo, which doesn't make a lot of sense given the permanence issues and the amount of time and pain involved, but there it is. Finally, around ten we got to actually pierce each other. I wasn't entirely certain whether Marta was going to want to get pierced herself, and I don't think she knew for certain herself until she saw it done for real and saw the person's reaction. But she was game, and after finding us a spot on the ground where we weren't in anyone's immediate way, we got to work. She put two needles into my arm—25G hypodermic needles, just under the skin and out again, enough to trigger endorphins—and then she laid down and I put two needles into her chest, one over each breast. She started out on the ground just in case she fainted, which is not entirely uncommon in piercing scenes, and she herself has a history of it where needles and blood are involved. Granted, that time had specifically involved drawing blood, and play piercing actually involves very little bleeding, but better safe than sorry. She handled it just fine, even a little surprised (as everyone always is) at how quick and not-painful the actual piercing process is. Still, when you're piercing the other person, it's always a little scary at first, since as soon as the needle goes in you're pretty well committed to making sure it goes in the right direction, and that's not something most of us are used to. After a couple minutes on the ground, she sat up fine, not feeling faint or woozy or anything at all. Indeed, it took her a while to really notice the actual drug-like effects of the endorphins at all, since two 25G needles really isn't much at all. (Not like, say, the eight that I had in my first time, and in what were far more intense circumstances.) I was more immediately aware of it in myself, having had experience, plus I found myself opening up and getting chatty in an E-like truth-serum-y kind of way that I find rather valuable. What's the point of altering your consciousness at all, even just a little, if you're not going to express yourself during it? Provided it doesn't irritate the person you're with, anyway. (As I suspect it did Ennui, who was very tolerant of me when I got that way. But there are reasons we aren't together anymore.) So as we held each other I filled Marta in on certain details about my history with piercing, specifically regarding Vash and how it was supposed to happen with her but never did, and why it meant so much for Marta to be with me in this moment. As it does in all the moments she's with me. 7:13pm Midnites for Maniacs is tonight, and a pretty fantastic lineup, but I'm staying in for the evening. I'm going to need to be as healthy and not-tired as possible for Frolic tomorrow. | ||
| ||
Thursday, 12 May 2011 (sax and violins) 8:31am Back at My Desk at Greenhouse. There's work-work to be done. No gym this morning, though, since I'm erring on the side of caution of rest rather than exercise in order to get better. 3:12pm Done here. Out into the world, including taking the boots I bought from Fluevog a year ago back in because the godsdamned soles are coming off. I don't know, that seems kind of soon to be falling apart. 4:17pm The warranty is only eight months, so I had to take them to Haight Street Shoe Repair to get fixed. Only twenty-five bucks, which isn't bad, but I'm thinking it may be time to move beyond Fluevog. Maybe find boots that are a bit more durable. 6:21pm At Wicked Grounds. There are prints up on the wall that I actually find hot, which is a first. 11:32pm I've been heaing what's your name on fetlife? in conversation around me a lot lately. | ||
| ||
Wednesday, 11 May 2011 (the great song of indifference) 9:56am No gym this morning, since, as I was afraid I might, I woke up with a gnarly sore throat. No Greenhouse today either, since I have errands to run. One of which, unfortunately, involves the Pharmacy. Which is where I am right now. Though I called beforehand and was told that my prescription would be ready "when I come in." Needless to say, that doesn't translate into "now," and I was just informed (after standing in line for twenty minutes) that it'll be ready "soon." I asked how long "soon" is from now, and they said "maybe half an hour." Yay. 11:06am I gave them an hour, and it worked. Hooray for small miracles. My Healthy San Francisco renewal seems to have gone through as well. And if not, I'll find out in three or four months. And considering that my total costs for the hormones over the next year will be about three hundred dollars total, I ultimately can't complain. Shouldn't, anyway. Now I'm going to head into the Mission, probably get a table at Borderlands. Or maybe take a nap at The Dark Room. Napping sounds really, really nice right now. 2:21pm Yeah, apparently: I found a free parking spot on Dolores, reclined the driver's seat, then slept for an hour. Never done that before. Had lunch at Tao Yin, and I'm now resting at The Dark Room until Marta gets home from work. 10:53pm Home now. Marta and I had dinner at Cafe Ethiopia—comfort food is messy food is comfort food—then headed downtown for her reading. It was a great turnout, the other readers were terrific, and Marta (who opened the show) kicked much ass. A lot of her friends showed up, too, which made me especially happy for her. There was talk of getting together for a drink afterward, but I'm still not entirely well, and I need to save up my energy for tomorrow. | ||
| ||