That's the plan right now, anyway. Bar Sinister seems most unlikely, since in addition to being several miles away from both our hotel and the wedding (which are within stumbling distance of each other), their playroom rules are a bit more...restrictive than is really worth our while. We did get an offer to attend an anything-consensual-goes private party, but the admission charge is prohibitive. For the same amount, I could see Nurse With Wound on the weekend of my birthday and then go to the Power Exchange for free. Anyway, we'll probably just head back to our hotel after the reception.

2:46pm

Stupid goddamned straight men. From CNN:

Male activists want say in unplanned pregnancy
Lawsuit seeks right to decline financial responsibility for kids

NEW YORK (AP) -- Contending that women have more options than they do in the event of an unintended pregnancy, men's rights activists are mounting a long shot legal campaign aimed at giving them the chance to opt out of financial responsibility for raising a child.

The National Center for Men has prepared a lawsuit -- nicknamed Roe v. Wade for Men -- to be filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in Michigan on behalf of a 25-year-old computer programmer ordered to pay child support for his ex-girlfriend's daughter.

The suit addresses the issue of male reproductive rights, contending that lack of such rights violates the U.S. Constitution's equal protection clause.

The gist of the argument: If a pregnant woman can choose among abortion, adoption or raising a child, a man involved in an unintended pregnancy should have the choice of declining the financial responsibilities of fatherhood. The activists involved hope to spark discussion even if they lose.

I just...gah. Yeah. I can't even wrap my brain around the concept of a "men's rights activist." (Straight) men just don't have enough rights. Poor things. How awful it must be for them.

7:19pm

Nice. Not only is it expected to snow in San Francisco this weekend, but if the National Weather service and be believed, "an unseasonably cold and unsettled period is ahead for southwestern California...residents and motorists in Southern California should be prepared for very cool weather with snow at unusually low elevations Friday through Sunday." Perfect. What it is with me and unexpected snow? I swear, it's xmas in New Orleans all over again. (Maddy and I even fought this afternoon, one of those online snipfests we do so well.)

The 5 is mentioned specifically regarding icky weather. Vash spoke to some her truck-driver friends, who suggested we take the 101 since the elevation is lower. Or something. I normally don't care for the 101, but this time, hell yeah.

I left Kaiser feeling like I'd just had sex which was consensual but not at all enjoyable, and which I probably shouldn't have gotten into in the first place. A little shaken, a little violated. This is not a reflection on my doctor, who's a nice enough sort, but the whole Kaiser experience. For as modern and ostensibly comfortable as the Kaiser offices are, I found myself missing the grime of the Waddell Clinic, right down to the smell of bum pee in the alley.

The money was a factor as well. Though it's covered by my insurance, there was a rather nasty copay on the visit ($15) and a really nasty one for the 'mones (take that previous amount and put a zero between the digits). It' for a three month supply, but when the clerk at their pharmacy told me how much it cost, it felt like I'd been slapped in the face with a large polyester fish. It's a good thing that I'm not going through Waddell anymore, primarily because they're underfunded and overworked as it is and those resources should go towards someone not as well off as myself, but still. Ow.

My medical records had not been transferred over. Don't know why I thought for even a moment that the process would work. For all I know, even though our machine said the fax transmission was successful, it never printed out at Waddell. Probably should have called to doublecheck, but that doesn't mean that the records would have been sent, or that they would have been properly received by Kaiser, or any of a zillion things that could have gone wrong. Whatever.

My doctor didn't seem to feel they were necessary, though I brought along the copies I did have, from '98 to '02. These did come in handy during the inevitable intake questioning, complete with the old chestnut When Did You First Realize You Were Different? I thought I was through having to justify myself to anyone, but then again, I thought I was through with people regarding me as male, and that ain't the case. When he asked how things have gone for me, if I've had a rough time of transition, I told him that I've been quite lucky—blessed, even, were I inclined to believe in that concept—but that there are still the occasional roadbumps: like, a couple weeks ago, i auditioned for this play, and... When I was done ranting about that already tired subject, he looked at me for a moment, and wrote "Patient is well-adjusted and happy with her progress." Which is not a lie.

I was right: I'm fat, and not in a good way. (Note to any bloggers and/or podcasters trying desperately to be "punk" or "edgy"—dissing PETA is not controversial. That'll garner you about as much hate mail as making fun of Michael Jackson. Nobody's going to think you're any sort of rebel. Nice try, though.) Their scale has me mitbuetz at 190. That may not seem empirically so bad for someone who's six feet tall and he specifically pointed out my stomach, the bane of my physical existence, my fleshy albatross, as a health risk. Said I really need to start working on it, reverse it before it gets any worse. Nothing like having your fears spoken aloud by an authority figure.

Regarding surgery, my doctor told me exactly what I'd expected him to: unless I'm an employee of UCSF or the City of San Francisco, then I'd be paying for it out of my own pocket. Frankly, if I'm going to pay for it myself, I sure as hell ain't going to do it at Kaiser. There are plenty of back alleys which are more reputable.

10:33am

if i can't save my soul, i'll save my body.

9:52pm

The meeting about my raise which was supposed to happen today, didn't. As near as I can tell, it's because the person who was supposed to make it happen didn't care enough to remember. Now it'll be next Monday, at the earliest. An argument could be made that it's my own fault, that I didn't cc the correct people, that I put too much faith in one other person. It's not an argument I'm necessarily going to make, but I won't refute it, either.

I think I know where Scott Stapp is hiding out after his recent humilation.

Much sooner than I'd expected, my Twilight Zone has a full cast again. The new fish is Nell, who (ironically?) played Maddy's mother in Night of the Living Dead. (She can be seen next to me on the couch in this rather pensive group shot from that show.) The play will run Thursday May 18 through Saturday May 20. Finally, that third show which would have served us so well last time. Actually, I have a hunch we're going to kick ass on opening night, too.

Since it was looking likely to rain all day long, I made an appointment for a cab to pick me up so I wouldn't have to deal with the bus in the rain. Not cheap, but damnit, I'm going to Kaiser. I need all the comforts I can get right now, since they'll be far and few between from here on out. Of course, it's fairly dry outside now. Frankly, I don't care if it rains for the next two days solid, just so long it's dry this weekend in Los Angeles. Which it won't be.

8:25pm

Kaiser. Fucking Kaiser.

Today, things get done. Right? Right.

9:08am

My first Kaiser appointment is on Tuesday. I asked the Waddell Clinic a couple weeks ago to send Kaiser my medical records. Last week, I called Kaiser to make sure they got said records, and thus began my first adventure in their system. (This time around, that is. I actually used them for a number of years via my mom's insurance in the nineties.) Every person I spoke to said I needed to talk to a different department; I accumulated five different numbers, and none of them could help me. Surprise factor? Nil. Oh, and I tried to contact my doctor director via their web form, but I had to have a valid online account with them, and though I registered, I can't use it until my password arrives via postal mail. Which it hasn't.

By Friday afternoon, I gave up the chase. I have no idea if my doctor's going to have my medical records or not, but my money's on not. I'm going to bring in my prescription along and hope for the best.

Friday evening, I went with Vash to an art opening at Space. It was a few blocks away from Unimatrix Zero, so Maddy joined us. From there, we went to The Dark Room to see the current Uphill Both Ways show. First time for Vash seeing this particular run, second for me, third for Maddy. I don't think there'll be a fourth for her next week. Me, I'll be in Los Angeles with Vash.

10:54pm

Y'know, if I had to leave the house on such a wet and fugly evening such as this, at least I did it for my love of film. Which is to say, I was one of the hosts at Bad Movie Night, for the Jonathan Demme women-in-prison epic Caged Heat. It was my duty as a cinephile. Anamoly sure drops the soap a lot, though.

I'm really not concerned about them at all. They can come and talk if they like. I'll fix a pot of coffee and have my wife make them some cookies.

Yeah, I know. I was a straight man once. Y'know what? I got over it. Didn't suit me at all.

5:32pm

After fussing over the wording for a few days, I finally requested a raise. I'm told I'll get an answer next week, probably Tuesday. The negative karma I've been building lately is probably about to kick my ass.

Something else I'm tired of? Straight men. If they aren't casting me as boys (and taking forever to grok how hurtful that is to a female-indentified tranny such as myself), they're making no particular attempt to hide their distaste for my type.

In addition to the other janky-ass straight movies which have been arriving by the bushelful lately, we've been getting a bunch of shemale videos. And, as I say, not even the good stuff. One of our company's departments is predominantly straight (and by "predominantly" I mean "entirely"). When it was mentioned to them that the audience for trannypr0n is primarily straight (and by "primarily" I mean "mostly but not entirely"), they reacted with disbelief. Just could not, would not accept that hetero men could be into that sort of thing. At first I found it amusing, but the more I thought about, the more it bothered me.

Making their living off of images of gay men fucking each other is all fine and good, but the notion that straight—or "straight," if you prefer—men could be into people like me is highly threatening. And it's not even like their reaction was Really? Huh. Not My Thing, But To Each Their Own. That would have been fine. Instead, it was I Refuse To Believe That Straight Men Are Into That Sort Of Thing, as if the very notion of it was a personal insult. Thanks, guys. It's not that I want them to be into trannies or me in particular. It certainly wouldn't be reciprocated, at least not be me. But it's hard not be a little insulted by their attitude. Yeah, I know it's nothing personal, and I'm probably overreacting, but it's hard not to feel like I've been marginalized a lot lately.

Dumb stupid straight men. Of course, if you're a straight man, or you're crushed out on one or you pick them up in bars and fuck them to compensate for your own spiritual emptiness, I'm talking about the other ones.