My Face for the World to See (Part II):
The Diary of Sherilyn Connelly
a fiction


February 1 - 10, 2003

Archives

<    2/1   2/2   2/3   2/4   2/5   2/6   2/7   2/8   2/9   2/10   >

Current


Monday, 10 February 2003 (sleep has his house)
10:03am

After two and a half years, I'm being called for jury duty again. What sucks (aside from the obvious) is that the summons is under my old name. I don't know if it'll make a difference in my eligibility or not, but it could get complicated. I'm not sure if I should/can contact them beforehand, or just go in normally and explain, or what.

Wanna know how to get people more involved in participatory democracy, such as it is? Make it one or the other: if you vote, you don't have to serve on a jury. I don't mean if you're simply registered, but if you actually take the time to vote. See if turnout doesn't skyrocket. (Whether or not people voting for that reason alone is a good thing is another question entirely.)

Last | Top | Next



Sunday, 9 February 2003 (feed your enemies)
10:35am

In lieu of actually doing something productive yesterday, I updated the kittypr0n site. (And that's not to say there weren't more productive things I could have been doing. I just lieu'd them, is all.) There are new screenshots, a faq, and hopefully it's a little more streamlined in general. I used to do this sort of thing professionally, don't'cha'know.

Last | Top | Next



Saturday, 8 February 2003 (circular breathing)
1:49pm

I first noticed it in the fitting room at the Buffalo Exchange on Haight earlier this week, but I disregarded it. Then Maddy noticed it when I was trying on glasses at the optometrist yesterday. And if two people notice it, it must be true: I'm going gray. I have my first gray hair, anyway, which may not be the same thing as going gray. But there it is. If nothing else, it confirms that I need to get my hair colored more frequently than every four months.

Last | Top | Next



Friday, 7 February 2003 (from consciousness to nowhere)
12:37pm

I took Mina to the vet today for her rabies shot. Except for some scraped skin on my palm from trying to get her into the carrier, we're both doing fine.

While switching CDs at the gym this morning, I heard the wacky morning guys on The Bone opine that Michael Jackson is a freak who should be locked away. Quote, unquote. Deep social commentary, that, very cutting edge, saying what needs to be said, Arbitron ratings be damned. I wish I was as brave as them, brave enough to go against the flow and take such a bold stand. Me, I feel sorry for Michael Jackson and feel that he's getting more static than he deserves, but heck, everyone thinks that way.

I had dinner with Tristan and Ashton last night. Maddy was going to join us—indeed, we were at her favorite Thai place, conveniently located a few blocks away from Tristan's store—but was in too much pain to leave the house. I brought her back some pad thai, at least.

What's past is past, the timeline has been set, and nothing can change the fact that the milk spilled. But I really wish that I'd met people like Tristan and Ashton went I first moved to San Francisco in '94, not The Other and Maggie. (Granted, Tristan and Ashton were in their early to mid teens, but you get the idea.) Maybe I wouldn't have recoiled back into the closet in horror. Of course, just because things would have been different doesn't mean they would have been better, but...

After dropping off Ashton, Tristan and I swung by Ted's place so they could talk about How Loathsome. (The first issue doesn't actually come out until March, but over dinner, Tristan showed me some advance pages. They were...sublime.) It's always interesting to see the creative process at work, collaborative or otherwise, even if it always seems to boil down to the same thing: Does this work? Nah. This? Not really. Howzabout this? Yeah, okay.

It was a little nerve-wracking, though. Ted had pages in various states of completion scattered all over the floor, and I was focusing on not stepping on any of them. I succeeded. Tristan assured me later that I needn't have worried so much, since A) it happens and B) it's usually Ted doing the stepping. That's as may be, but I still wouldn't have forgiven myself about it too soon.

The City seems to get smaller and smaller. I love it so.

Last | Top | Next



Thursday, 6 February 2003 (the insufficiency of explanation)
3:55pm

I've finally hit upon the perfect way to respond to the height question. I was going into the fitting room at Clothestime (I've had good cheap clothing mojo lately) the other day when the employee asked how tall I am. "Six feet," I replied, then added, "You should see my mom." How perfect is that? She asked if my mom was even taller, and I dumbly replied that my mom is roughly my height, but thankfully she didn't catch the logical error. She then asked about my father, and I said that we're all pretty tall, though I should have said he's shorter. It would have added just the right bit of ironic realism, plus it reinforces the "I'm my mother's daughter" conceit. Of course, my mother isn't tall—she clocks in somewhere between Maddy and I, maybe 5' 6"—but I'm sure she wouldn't object to being pictured as an Amazon.

Last | Top | Next



Wednesday, 5 February 2003 (sad songs and waltzes)
11:21am

I finally made it to Spanganga last night, after having missed both Scabaret with Phred and Bucky's one-man show there. The event was The Spang Bang, a weekly open mic which Lynnee had said she was going to attend to work on his stand-up routine. Except that she never showed up, the flakey bastard. I kid, of course; I'm always happy to discover a new open mic. Though the format is "anything goes," the emphasis tends to be on comedy, and the crowd was a bit more SWM-oriented than I'm accustomed to, but I didn't feel particularly out of place.

I didn't have any of my stories with me since I'd gone just to see Lynnee, but thankfully my APE Spellcheck Poetry was still in my notebook. It was kind of an odd first piece to read, since it's nothing like my usual stuff (and a whole lot shorter; when I finished the host asked me if I had anything else, as I was allotted seven minutes), but what the heck. I'll save the pornographic self-disclosure for next time.

The really weird part was the lighting. It's the first time I've read without being able to see the audience, since I was on a stage with lights shining directly at me. Maybe it's just as well I was up there for less than a minute. It's going to take a bit of getting used to.

Bryce was there. You never can tell where some people are going to turn up.

Splosh! Good lord, but that's a fun word.

Last | Top | Next



Tuesday, 4 February 2003 (a gradual awakening)
9:42am

kittypr0n premiered a year ago today. Not that anybody noticed.

9:48am

K'vetch, on the other hand, has been running for six years. In honor of that there was no open mic on Sunday, just features, including Bucky, Larry-bob, David West and Ralowe. Michelle was scheduled, but had to cancel. It was also Timbre's first time there, or, really, at any kind of queer event. He's new to the genderqueer thing, though he first talked to me about having the feelings in July '99. (I worked up the courage to sorta kinda hint at the desire to cross-dress to Danny in '94, but didn't really move forward for another four years, so I can relate.) It was overwhelming, if in a good way. Most of his experience with other trannies, or at least F2Ms, has been at private parties. Seeing other people like him out in public, that it can be done and it's okay, is, I think, very important. He says he plans to come back. I hope so.

Timbre seemed particularly taken with Lynnee. I introduced them to each other before the show, and afterwards Lynnee talked to him and made sure he was enjoying himself. Lynnee's famously protective of kinderboys, and I could just tell his Den Mother instincts were kicking in. Of course, you don't have to be a tranny-in-training; Lynnee also asked about Nicole. That's just the kinda guy she is.

The Chupester put in a surprise appearance, arriving with Bucky. When they first walked in, before he knew they were friends of ours, Timbre said (in all sincerity) "Cool hair." I'm still not sure which of them he was referring to.

Chupa told us that she was playing kittypr0n during Sacrifice's hip-hop night recently, and that a lot of the supertough "bust-a-cap-in-yo-ASS" boys were getting all kinds of melty over it. Hell yeah.

I was actually kinda glad when I heard there probably wasn't going to be an open mic, since I'd planned on reading from my chapbook, but it's not ready yet. I mean, I could have read the story anyway, but I wanted to do it from the chapbook, like the cool kids. (That being the primary motivation for everything I do.) But if there had been an open mic, however abbreviated, I would have read spellcheck poetry, generated from my entry about the Alternative Press Expo:

blog zines lastest blog blog blog blog webmonkey rockstar jhonen zim celebs gelato Naifeh Crumrin gelato Jhonen fux stylings afterparties genderqueer boi genderqueer afterparty midnightish inertia weaselboy k'vetch
Oh well. Maybe next time.

Last | Top | Next



Monday, 3 February 2003 (her fog, her amphetamines and her pearls)
7:33pm

I'm reading Liberace: An American Boy by Darden Asbury Pyron. It's a biography which relates Liberace's life history to the history of American pop culture, queer and otherwise—mostly "otherwise," since he never came out. His first teevee show was on KTLA, the first commercial station in Los Angeles, which was owned by one Klaus Lansberg. He was quite the visionary.

Lansberg made other innovations in the medium. His cameramen appeared wherever something seemed to be happening. He turned human-interest stories into news, news into entertainment. Once, for example, he provided round-the-clock coverage of the ill-fated attempt to rescue a small child who had fallen into an abandoned well in 1949. The coverage galvanized the city, won national media treatment, and dominated the television ratings. The affair of the girl "intimized" a news of human-event story. Viewers lost the sense of being merely passive observers; they felt engaged in the rescue operations; they became a part of the broadcast; they gained membership in a family of television watchers. The unknown child's death, then, became a "personal" loss. Lansberg's camera "created" an event that then demanded a certain effect, popular grief, in this case, for a figure that would have been of no national consequence otherwise.

Sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it?

Bite me, Klaus Lansberg. You fucked things up real bad.

Last | Top | Next



Sunday, 2 February 2003 (from the tide)
11:18am

So I'm browsing the Re/SEARCH table at the Alternative Press Expo yesterday, and the next thing I know I'm agreeing to help the publisher V. Vale set up a blog. It went like this: I was buying The Essential Perry & Kingsley (one of the few purchases I allowed myself at APE, though I wish I could have bought something from every exhibitor), and Vale offered to throw in Zines! Vol. 1 for free. He seemed happy to hear that I already have it. Anyway, in the recent Re/SEARCH newsletter he commented that he had a zillion cool links but no idea what to do with them, so I asked if anyone had responded. Someone suggested he do a blog, but he doesn't have the foggiest idea what a blog is or how to go about making one. I'm actually not entirely certain on the latter myself (this page is a hand-coded diary, not a blog, and for some reason using livejournal doesn't feel right) but I'm sure I can figure it out. Of course, my answer to "what to do with a bunch of links" isn't "blog" so much as "a links page arranged by subject," but I guess I'm an old-school webmonkey, and it might be kinda cool anyway. And I certainly like the idea of helping the company. I have no illusions about it leading to an actual job, though. Most of the places that I'd really like to work for aren't currently hiring, or don't hire at all.

APE's rockstar guest was Jhonen Vasquez of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Invader Zim. Maddy stood in a very long line to meet him and get a comic signed, but I opted not to join her. I've heard that he really doesn't like crowds, and if the celeb's not into it, it just doesn't feel right to me. One of the few times I've done the long autograph line thing was when Michael Moore was on the Downsize This! book tour, and at the Mystery Science Theater 3000 convention in '96. Otherwise, I need to be able to walk up and offer them some of my gelato.

Which I did with Ted Naifeh and Kelly Crumrin. (Ted declined, but Kelly helped herself to the gelato Kyle bought me.) It helps, of course, that we're already friends with them. I didn't come to their table until after I'd pretty much finished our circuit of the convention—Maddy was still in line for Jhonen—and Kelly teased me about finally getting around to talking to them. We spent the last hour or so before closing with them, and accepted their dinner invitation. We went to a German restaurant in The Mission (where I had my first beet in years), and then, since we were on a roll, to Ted and Kelly's favorite karaoke bar.

Maddy still hasn't quite worked up the nerve, but I did Nirvana's "All Apologies" and "Rose Tint My World" from Rocky Horror. Regarding "All Apologies," I told Ted that I can only sing songs that I actually believe in. He looked like that was most the heartbreaking thing he'd ever heard. More heartbreaking is the fact that I fux0red the intros to both songs. Gotta work on that. The people at the table next to us seemed to be enjoying our collective vocal stylings and were sorry to see us go, at least.

From there, it was to one of the many APE afterparties going on throughout the city, this one at Isotope, a local comic book store. One of the employees is our friend Tristan, a painfully cute genderqueer boi (who makes an even cuter girl, which you can tell just by looking) who's collaborating with Ted on How Loathsome, an equally genderqueer comic. We have the coolest friends.

At both APE and the afterparty was an old coworker of mine from Le Video. I've seen him quite a few times in crowded rooms over the last several months, the first time being at Pow! back in June. He's seen me, but doesn't seem to recognize me, although I know Stanley told that I've transitioned. I guess my appearance has changed sufficiently. Although I've had opportunities, I haven't spoken to him, and have come to realize that I'm actively avoiding doing so. I'm not sure why. He was always a very nice guy and probably still is; we even went to a Star Trek convention together once. Maybe I'm just enjoying this little bit of, as it were, anonymity. But it feels kinda mean. He'd probably like to be reunited with an old friend, after all. I should probably talk to him the next time I see him.

It was midnightish when we arrived at the party, and we were pretty much running on intertia at that point. Maddy's back and neck can be stronger than inertia, so around one we called it a night, except for giving Weaselboy a ride home. (Somehow, an evening's just not complete without giving someone a lift somewhere.) We're giving APE's second day a miss, both for recuperation and financial reasons; admission is cheap, but there's way too much tempting stuff. Besides, K'vetch is tonight, and Timbre will be joining us.

Last | Top | Next



Saturday, 1 February 2003 (field of lost edges)
10:03am

It wasn't terrorists, okay?

Last | Top | Next