My Face for the World to See (Part II): The Diary of Sherilyn Connelly a fiction January 21 - 31, 2003

Friday, 31 January 2003 (darkness light darkness) 4:10pm My favorite movie poster and memorabilia shop, Showbiz on Grant Street in North Beach, has gone out of business. The posters for Crash and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (the teaser poster for the latter, to be precise) which grace our walls were from there, amongst many others. Meanwhile, not only are most movie posters these days little more than big huge closeups of faces (and if the theatrical version isn't, you can bet the video box will be), in multiplexes they're being muscled out by more lucrative advertisements for toothpaste and corporate rock bands. I'm not saying there's a connection. 8:15pm When you're walking alone after dark into a part of town in which you don't feel comfortable (say, going to Jezebel's Joint to buy tickets for The San Francisco Independent Film Festival), it's a very bad idea to have started reading Fritz Leiber's Our Lady of Darkness—a very spooky novel set in San Francisco—earlier in the day. Trust me on this one. Last | Top | Next

Thursday, 30 January 2003 (shadowfall) 9:29pm If I make it out to goth clubs and shows just rarely enough to always elicit at least one "Haven't seen you in a while," then Maddy coming along usually results in jaw-dropping surprise. Such seemed to be the case with Dax, Leni and a few others at the Penis Flytrap show last night. We'd met the band at SpookyCon, and Maddy very much wanted to see them live. She had been particularly taken with bassist Lucifer Fulci. As is so often the case with people whom conventional wisdom suggests should be scary and unfriendly (follow the link to see what I mean), he's an extremely sweet, almost self-effacing guy. We talked to him a bit before the show; he remembered us from SpookyCon (rumor has it I'm hard to forget), and practically turned red with embarrassment as he confirmed that Maddy and I were, in fact, an item. Seems that he thought we were both pretty hot, and just wanted to make sure. Daaaaaw. What may have made been a little uncomfortable coming from someone else was practically heartbreaking from him. Later, as I was dancing to the opening act and Maddy was sitting off to the side reserving her energy, he bought her a beer, which she thought was just about the sweetest thing ever. We were at the front of the stage for Penis Flytrap, and much to my surprise, we lasted through their entire set. Not that we weren't enjoying it, but because we getting just a tad jostled from the moshers. While Maddy's chiropractor has never precisely forbidden her from moshing (or, more specifically, being moshed), but since the car coming to a sudden stop can do very bad things to her neck, I think we can safely assume that it falls into the "goes without saying" list. I took the brunt of it for her, and though my left leg was killing me afterwards (probably since it had most of the burden of keeping us both upright), I'm not as sore this morning as I was expecting to be. It'll probably hit me later today. The funny thing was, it's not like we were trapped or anything. Attendance to the show was poor, probably because the original headliner had to cancel, and we could have turned around and walked a few feet away to relative safety at any time. But Maddy wanted to be in front, for height reasons as much as anything, and by gum, we were in front. 'cuz we're punk as fuck. I told Dax that I coveted her coat, a long faux-fur trimmed number. She said she was going to be replacing it soon, and that I could have it when she got her new one. Yay. Last | Top | Next

Wednesday, 29 January 2003 (how our perception of distance is changed...) 6:10pm There's an item that's been showing up on my library account for a while now that I never checked out. I get a lot of stuff from the library, books and videos and CDs, and occasionally they show up incorrectly when I check my account online, but when I return everything, my account is cleared. Until now. After receiving an overdue notice for the item, I went to the main library today. I looked on the shelf, but couldn't find the item in question. They told me that everything which shows as being checked out to me is my responsibility, period. I'm not the kind of person who throws a hissy fit when I get a parking ticket, and by the same token, this makes sense. Just because I happen to be telling the truth when I say I never checked it out, they kinda have to treat everyone the same, because there are surely a lot of people who lie about it. What's more, I should have pay more attention to the receipts they give me when I check stuff out. It's a drag and I feel very stupid about the whole thing, but the system exists for a reason. Anyway, while I have to pay for a replacement, I have the option of getting it somewhere else and bringing it in, and I just found one on eBay for a couple bucks. There's a picture of me in the January 23 issue of the San Francisco Bay Times. I'm not going to say where, though. sometime after midnight Never let it be said that I won't take a mosh pit in the ribs for my girl. Last | Top | Next

Tuesday, 28 January 2003 (hour of the trace) 6:28pm The State of the Union Drinking Game. Almost makes me wish I drank. My endoc has prescribed prometrium to deal with my current hormone issues. Prometrium pills look like jellybeans. I don't like jellybeans, but I won't hold that against them. 11:09pm I didn't actually listen to the speech—Maddy's tolerance for that sort of thing is much lower than mine, and I didn't want to subject her to it—but I've read it. Wow. Many people in many other places are deconstructing it better than I could, but I will say that Hitlerism is in fact a real word, if a very stupid one. I guess he figured that for the average American Idol-watching citizen (that Kelly Clarkson, she's a new breed of pop star!), it would do a better job of boogeyman-conjuring than "fascism" or "Nazism." Hey! Look! It's the full force of the United States military bringing freedom and democracy to the world! Oh, wait, this was twelve years ago. Well, I'm sure it'll be different this time. And when it's done there'll never be no evildoers ever again. Last | Top | Next

Monday, 27 January 2003 (snake eyes and sissies) 9:32am Even the second time around, I still found Bowling for Columbine very powerful. There were maybe two dozen people there, more than I would have expected for a documentary (which, by definition, is boring) which started during the first half of The Big Game. And for as much as I would have preferred it to have been just Maddy and I since I'm a big fat xenophobe, I'm glad it's still doing well. Of course, twice as many people have seen the kangaroo movie in the last three weeks than Bowling for Columbine since October, but I don't blame them. Documentaries are boring. (And, in fairness, the kangaroo movie had a major media blitz and opened in all markets nationwide, whereas the boring documentary is still only in limited release, because, nobody really wants to see it.) Getting zapped again this morning. A little sooner after the last time than usual, but he's leaving the state again at the end of the month. Poking while the needle is electrified, and all. 10:45pm Three hours of zapping (new total of 232) mostly on my chest, an all-too-rare Chupa visit, and a chapbook in the works. Last | Top | Next

Sunday, 26 January 2003 (these are the thoughts) 10:25am Even though you can see the silver lining, it's still okay to wish it had been sunny in the first place. The Big Game is today. If our upstairs neighbors are having a party, which I doubt, they surely would have mentioned it to us by now. I'd like to think they're as disinterested in it as we are. Hell, they're KQED members, which is a pretty good sign. Anyway, since the scary people will glued to their teevees today, we're planning on going to a movie. My initial impulse had been to see the chickiest flick out there, but we've both already seen Far From Heaven. So it'll probably be Bowling for Columbine, which Maddy hasn't seen yet. Seems just as appropriate, and with any luck, we'll have the theater to ourselves. Last | Top | Next

Saturday, 25 January 2003 (in weaker moments) 2:35pm At the Venetian Snares show I went to with Yen and Embeth last night, I was told that a FOAF considers me an "indie film goddess." (I doubt Christine Vachon has anything to worry about.) He even saw me at the programming meeting a couple months back, but didn't actually talk to me. The concept that I'm intimidating or difficult to approach is still very odd. Last | Top | Next

Friday, 24 January 2003 (omnipresent boundary) sometime after midnight I hung out with Yen and Embeth tonight. Embeth does, in fact, live. Last | Top | Next

Thursday, 23 January 2003 (sic transit gloria) 2:02pm There's a tendency amongst the road-paving set to ask tremendously stupid questions of trannies, usually along the lines of Are you sure about this?, or even more insultingly, Have you thought this through? I got it from a few directions when I decided to transition, and expect to get it again when I inevitably go in for some kind of surgery. IF I tell such people, which I probably won't. Ain't done of their damn business nohow. That said, if there had ever been any doubt in my mind that I did the right thing when I went on hormones, it's gone now. I want nothing to do with my vestigial male sexuality. Since my blood test in November suggested that it had done its job, my endoc took me off Provera last month, and I'm feeling it. Boy, am I feeling it, and I don't like it one bit. Evidently my gonads still need chemical suppression. Two words: morning wood. That's an unwelcome blast from the past, to put it mildly. In addition to that, I'm starting to get funny feelings down there which I never wanted to experience again. I've been playing voicemail tag with my endoc, and she left a message today saying she isn't too keen on the idea of me going back on provera. She's thinking in terms of a natural progesterone instead. Works for me. I can only hope it'll be covered by the insurance, but I suppose that in a month or two it won't matter. And I'll still be on the horse-unfriendly premarin either way. (Yes, I know there are alternatives. I've read the brochure. But thanks for caring.) What I really need to do is get an orchie, so suppression won't be an issue at all. But that's a few grand which I don't have. 7:35pm Poetry Mission is tonight—right now, in fact—but Maddy had another root canal session at the dentist a few hours ago, so I'm staying home with her. And even if she hadn't, I...um...have to wash my hair. Yeah. I definitely can't go anywhere near Dalva tonight. Last | Top | Next

Wednesday, 22 January 2003 (delusion fields) 8:24pm Since we're still insured—and we won't be for much longer—we went to an optometrist today. I'm a few prescriptions behind, and I've been wanting new frames for a while anyway. Nothing was purchased, but I tried on a few pairs. When we go back, I hope they still have the pair that Maddy said made me look like Lisa Loeb. Because I am that shallow. I doubt Twisted Lens will be calling any time soon, though. Last | Top | Next

Tuesday, 21 January 2003 (pathless) 6:12pm Lilah's pictures from the march. Those of you who thought the whole thing was a big traffic-blocking waste of time will be happy to know that, while tens of thousands of people were taking advantage of our freedom to assemble while we still have it, the real Americans were spending over seventeen million of their hard-earned dollars on a movie about a kangaroo—with attitude! Makes you proud, don't it? Take that, Osama! Or Saddam! Or that North Korean guy who Newsweek compared to Dr. Evil! Or whoever the Big Bad is at the moment! Granted, I knew it was going to happen (and Fametracker has some tips on how you can cash in). If American pop culture is any indication, H.L. Mencken was a philanthropist. Last | Top | Next