As all things must, it's about to become moot: the frontrunner for the new location of our office is in a part of town that's not only nowhere near a train line, but six blocks away from the most convenient bus line. It was a nice ride while it lasted—relatively easy commute, a cozy, secluded spot in the office, all the little niceties. I'll still be employed and getting relative well-paid to do a job I enjoy, there just won't be as many niceties. Nothing lasts, the honeymoon ends, everything is rationalized and reduced to a pathology or fetish in the long run.

4:36pm

This is a very bad day for my mp3 player to fritz out.

5:17pm

Thank Satan for the radio in my phone, and 102.1 FM.

8:47pm

Not one of my better commutes home, but it's a standard I'd best get used to for the foreseeable future. The N-Judah, which I now have to board at Embarcadero, was packed before I could even step on, so I stood most of the way home. Could have been much worse; the tough part was tuning out the people bitching loudly about the service changes. It's not that i don't sympathize with them, and I'm certainly mourning the old N-Judah, but I hate hearing other people k'vetch about such things. Without anything to distract my ears while in the tunnel (and I was seriously jonesing for Willie Nelson's Spirit), I stood as steadily as I could, closed my eyes, and concentrated on my breath. Made it not so bad, and eventually it was over.

Easter was pretty fun. After having dinner and seeing Pan's Labyrinth on Saturday night, Vash and I got up late on Sunday morning, then went to Dolores Park. We hooked up with Sadie and hung out with her and Phil et al for a few hours. After a group excursion to the new Bi-Rite Creamery, Vash headed back across the Bridge, and Sadie and I went on to a gathering at Pete Goldie's house. A baby shower, of all things, but I it was still fun. During the ritual oohing and aahing over very small clothes I read Dr. Hal's Dinosaur Alphabet and talked headphones with KROB. From there I walked with Sadie back to her place, then solo to The Dark Room for Bad Movie Night. The feature was The Ten Commandments. I wasn't scheduled to host, but due to absence I ended up on the mic anyway. I don't generally have to be asked twice. There was a new audience member in the form of Johanna, whom I'd hung out with for a while on St. Stupid's Day. She lives in the Sunset—there's a few of us out—so I gave her a lift home afterwards.

Deep within the heart of Ritual once again, much to my surprise. Hell, I'm mostly surprised that twice in as many weeks I've been able to find a place to sit near a power outlet. I'm heading over to Sadie's when she gets home later for another late night work session. Among other things, I'm doing some final edits on the Power Exchange piece for Eros. Thomas Roche likes it, and it'll probably be published by the end of the week. Next I'll be doing a writeup on Divas, due May 7. (Suddenly, I have deadlines!) Eventually I'll have to do a story on something I haven't already written about at length—hell, I have a story about Divas in the latest issue of the print publication Instant City, though I didn't rate being listed on the site as a contributor—and then I'll be quite well fracked.

10:28pm

I put stickers all over the lid of my laptop—Soma FM, ancient Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Film Threat ones, NakedSword, and if I can ever find another kittypr0n sticker that'll go on, too. Nobody else does it, or personalizes their laptops in ways I can perceive. I wonder why. What, are they worried about resell value?

sometime after midnight

Another extraordinarily late night at Sadie's, writing. Edited the hell out of the Eros article and sent it off, for real. Being up so late isn't the wisest thing on a physical level—sleep? whuzat?—but it does my metaphorical heart good.

There will always be ghosts, fluttering around in every periphery. It's where they live and what they do.

It went like this: I almost didn't go to the Power Exchange on Thursday night. I hadn't slept much the night before since I stayed so late at Sadie's, and my willpower was kinda low. On the other hand, it wasn't a schoolnight, there were a couple details for my Eros article which required clarification, and if I didn't go Thursday I probably wouldn't make it at all this weekend, having plans with Ryder on Friday and Vash on Saturday. Besides, as my current adage goes, more interesting things happen when I go out than when I stay home. Maybe I'd even stay until closing, what with the whole not-a-schoolnight thing. So, I got properly dressed, putting some warmer street clothes in my bag. I always try to have a change of clothes handy, since there's never any telling where one will end up. (Usually nowhere at all, but still, there's no telling.) I removed my house-and-car ring from my main keyring, since there's no point in hauling my work keys or the keys to Vash's car or Unimatrix Zero all over town unless. Besides, it's easier to fit the one ring with its three keys into my boot for safekeeping. Cellphone, wallet with AAA card and keycard for my vehicle, printouts of the stories I'm working on lest I find myself incredibly bored. Got everything.

Headed out. Shutting the front gate behind me, I fished the keys out of my pocket. Huh. They didn't feel right. Pulled them out.

My work keys. No housekeys.

Being the absent-minded twit that I am, I must have removed the wrong keyring. Jesus. I know I'm flighty, but even by my standards—

Oh, frack frack frack. My body shook with a burst of involuntary panic. I'd locked myself out of my house, at a quarter past eleven at night. This was so not good. I paced back and forth for a moment, letting the adrenaline jolt run its course. What the hell was I going to do? Ring the doorbell, get the neighbors to let me in? Wake them up to let me in, a few days after I'd left the snarky note? I've feasted on plenty of crow in my day, but that was simply not an option. There had to be a better way.

Thankfully, I did have my phone and keycard, so I was able to get into my car. Checked, double, triplechecked my bag to make sure my housekeys didn't find their way in after all, or perhaps maybe I'd thoughtfully included a spare key to at least the gate. Nope on both counts. I called Vash and left a warbly, barely coherent message on her answering machine (thank goodness my neo-Luddite of a girlfriend still has an answering machine rather than voicemail), which she intercepted after a few moments. I vented a little, not beating myself up but not shying away from my dorkiness, and then asked what time she'd be at work tomorrow morning. She said: early. around five. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Or perfect enough, anyway. I'd stay at the Power Exchange until a quarter to five, and then head out and meet her at her office to get her set of my keys. Sounded good to her, she confirmed that I was okay (and I was, the panic had already dissolved), and she went back to sleep.

It occurred to me that Maddy might have still had keys to the Black Light District, leftover from its Cozycave incarnation. It's not like I'd changed the locks. (For that matter, The Ex could still get in if she wanted.) I texted both her cell phone and her regular email, not getting a reply from either. Oh well. I briefly considering calling, but that felt too intrusive, and I had a rescue plan in motion, one which wasn't dissimilar from my original plans. So, I headed to the Power Exchange.

It was remarkably busy when I got there, feeling almost like a Fetish Ball night. The operating theory was that it was overflow from the baseball game, which seemed reasonable enough. They'd mostly dissipated by around one, leaving just the hardy regulars and a smattering of tourists. It was comforting in that certain way.

Around half past two, I began to realize that there was no way I would have lasted 'til closing if I could have just gone back home, as my lack of sleep was catching up in a big way. I decided to nap. It's technically a no-no, and it's even one of the posted rules, but it's all about who you know and which way they choose to look at any given time.

I started out on the couch inside the Cage at three, but didn't last too long; as regular couple appeared with their bullwhip. It's just not practical trying to sleep in a room with a whip cracking. Safety isn't the issue so much as the noise, which can't help but get your attention. I moved into the wavy couch in the Red Room. This attracted the attention of the occasional tourist, who were hoping that I might do something interesting, but, no such luck. I just was sleeping, my bag tucked safely away and my cellphone inside my coat (it was cold, so I bundled up) in case Vash called early.

I woke up around a quarter past four. The music was off, and Hal and Rhonda were gathering up their stuff. Though technically open until six, the Power Exchange closes early if business is sufficiently non-busy, as was the case now. I was back in my car by half past, and parked in front of Vash's work at five. She texted me to say she was running late, and as I waited for her, I hand-edited the articles I'd been working on, including the Medialoper one which was going live in less than an hour.

It was after six when I finally made it back home, proper keys in hand. The sun wasn't up yet, but it obviously wanted to be. I played Soliloquy for Lilith through the speakers above my bed, put in earplugs, slipped on the Mindfold, crawled into bed, and slept until eleven.

No work today. One of the few good things about our new corporate uberdemons is that we get Good Friday off. More in the negative column, the frontrunner for the office's new location is in extremely incovenient location, at least for people like me who don't drive to work and perfer to take trains rather than buses. At least it's roughly the same distance away from Vash's office as our current location. That's something.

sometime after midnight

Lightning doesn't strike twice. It hits, and that's that.

The Twin Peaks article for Medialoper is pretty much done, and will be going live on Friday morning. In a little while I'll be heading to Sadie's place, where I'll be writing more and she'll be working on her art. Loneliness is such a drag.

Wonderful evening with Vash last night, at times reminding me of that first night we spent together. My emotions for her are so raw and pure, especially compared to past relationships. It's scary sometimes.

The second season of Twin Peaks is relased on DVD today at long last. I preordered it from Amazon, so it hasn't arrived yet (irony!), but a Medialoper article on the show is in the works.

Vash and I are spending the evening together. It feels like it's been forever.

95 THESES

OCTOBER 31, 1517

Out of love for the truth and the desire to bring it to light, the following propositions will be discussed at Wittenberg, under the presidency of the Reverend Father Martin Luther, Master of Arts and of Sacred Theology, and Lecturer in Ordinary on the same at that place. Wherefore he requests that those who are unable to be present and debate orally with us, may do so by letter.

Duh. My bad. That's what Martin Luther nailed to the door of the Castle Church. Got confused there. This is what I put on their door:

can you please try to keep the yelling and running and screaming and thumping in the northeast bedroom (directly above mine) down to a minimum before 10am on weekend mornings? those are the only days i don't have to get up early to go to work, and the noise makes it very difficult to sleep. thanks!

Sing my favorite song, dear
Hold onto my hand, dear
The darkness brings cold
And the tide is rising

Teach me how to dance, dear
Please don't spill my beer, dear
Let's go ride bikes
And stay up all night kissing

So won't you take me home, dear
Way up in the tree, dear
Where the trains toll past
And the gulls will wake us up early

Dandelion Junk Queens,
"Dear Junk Beach"

The guy behind the counter at Caffe Greco to the girl in line before me: hi, senorita. To the girl after me: hi, missy. To me: hi, buddy. bleh.

Johanna and I hung out for a while longer, and then I went solo into the Haight on a stripey-and-bootlace mission. Having successfully acquired both, I went to a salon in the Castro to get a consultation on dreaded extensions. Unsurprisingly, their price was waaaaaaay more than I can even consider being willing to plunk down, so Rachel it's gonna be, if I do it.

From there I headed to the Dark Room for Bad Movie Night, Red Dawn as our two-year anniversary show. Fantastic turnout and a lot of fun, especially considering how much other stuff was going on in town, including a Subgenius event at City Lights. Shoulda gone home after that, of course, but instead I went to a post-Parade event at Fat City, the former Studio Z. Mostly just hung out with Dr. Hal, though I got privately sentimental about the fact that it was the first place where Vash and I made out, mostly against the railing of the stairs, sentimental in a way that I don't about the Power Exchange regarding Jezebel or Divas regarding Ryder. September 23, 2005, the Friday before Folsom, one of those nights that everything changed. I have a picture Ali took of Vash and I after we'd been at each other for a couple of hours, messy and smeared makeup and punchdrunk and glowing fiercely. Empirically, it isn't either of us at our best, which is why I never used it as a diary picture. Emotionally, it doesn't get better.

And things don't stop changing, they really don't, sometimes it feels good like that wonderful, magical night, and sometimes it doesn't feel so good, like these past few months.