|
Thursday, 30 September 2010 (the b-sides) 7:36am Got up this morning at my usual time (about a quarter past four), got my gym clothes on, even had my usual food (tofu and hard-boiled egg with hot sauce—nummers!), and made it as far as the door before I realized that I just wasn't up for it. My body's sill recovering from yesterday morning. So, I went back to bed and had unpleasant dreams, because that's what my brain does to me if I sleep when I should be awake. After unsuccessfully attempting to do so online yesterday, I'm going to San Francisco State University today to get my name changed and to get copies of my transcript, in that order. Again, I have to ask: what could go wrong? 11:07am Very little, as it turns out. Changing my name was quite simple: I just went to the "Registrar" window at the One-Stop Center and told them that I was a former student whose name has changed in the meantime, filled out some paperwork gave them copies of my old and new IDs, then paid for two sealed transcripts. No fuss, and the only real muss was that the clerk confused my last name with my former middle name, typing it in as Sherilyn Robert, which I quickly caught and had her change. (I've learned over the years to always doublecheck how my name is spelled, because nine times out of ten it'll be wrong. (True name of the beast, y'all.) I also got new login info for the site, so I could get an unofficial transcript and not have to open either of the sealed ones. Which I did when I got home, since part of the MLIS application process not only requires my GPA and credits from my prior school, I can't get into the program with less than a 3.0. And I'm the first to admit, I was never the best student, so it's not outisde the realm of possibility. Turns out my "all college" GPA was 3.08, and for San Francisco State University in particular was 3.18. I win at school! I still need my Fresno City College transcript, though, or at least the information therein. The application wants to know my GPA and credits for there, too, though they don't require the actual transcript. Plus, I need to change my name on that, too. After poking around the Fresno City College's website, I've come to realize that I'll need to do that in person, too. So, I need to go to Fresno. Tomorrow, in all likelihood, since tomorrow is when the actual regristration period begins, and the sooner I get registered, the better. (At least, I think that's how it works.) Perdita has a vet appointment tomorrow which I'll need to reschedule, and I have to pick up my prescription before I leave town—they've been getting really persnickety about how long they keep prescriptions, and there's a good chance it won't still be there if I wait until next week—not to mention Marta and I usually get together on Friday nights, but I can do it. 5:11pm Though I might go to the gym for an hour this afternoon, but, nope. My muscles are still too busy rebuilding themselves. | ||
 | ||
Wednesday, 29 September 2010 (she touched the stone) 6:51am Endogenous morphine is a hell of a drug. 12:23pm Learned after this morning's brutal-as-ever bootcamp class that there will indeed be a Friday class as well. It doesn't start until the last week of October, which should be just enough time to prepare for it. Meanwhile, as per usual, I won't be doing my afternoon cardio today. The class this morning was plenty. Last night, after dinner at Old Jerusalem, Marta and I went to Mattilda's "goodbye to San Francisco" reading at Modern Times. It was pretty great, and I'm glad I got to see her before she left, especially since she's been kind enough to send the make/shift gigs my way. Least I could do, really. So much paperwork to wade through now, for so many things. There's the passport applications, which require a few bits of information I don't have immediate acces to at the moment, and also applying for San Jose State University's online MLIS program, which is presenting even more red tape to untangle. The first bit is getting my transcript from San Francisco State University, which means I'll finally have to deal with the fact that they have my old name on file. (What could possibly go wrong?) Also, I'm applying for a library page position which doesn't require anything but a high school education, because a foot in the door is a foot in the door. 1:26pm My agent just wrote. Some editors who already had Bottomfeeder still have it but haven't made a decision, and new editors have it as well. I have a really good feeling about one in particular. Sure, I've had really good feelings about certain editors in the past and it didn't pan out, but I'm not giving up hope. | ||
| ||
Tuesday, 28 September 2010 (darkside return) 10:01am The reviews of Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation are rolling in, and thus far none have mentioned my essay, not even in the comments section when the evils of pornorgraphy and the words "tranny" and "shemale" are discussed. Not that I care or anything. I'm not even looking. 1:16pm My mom's right, as usual. I need to take the high road. Don't wanna, but I gotta. | ||
| ||
Monday, 27 September 2010 (patchworking) 1:31pm The turnout at Bad Movie Night (for Deep Blue Sea) was also just okayish. We'd been hoping for bigger audiences than we got, but, well, don't we always? My cut of the door from the from the shows this weekend (and last) almost sorta kinda made up for the money I didn't get by leaving my old job before my time was officially up. Still, though. Needed to be done, and I have no regrets. It wasn't safe for me there anymore, and I don't stay where it's not safe. Did my usual Monday morning gymming, and then took Phoebe to the Eugene's Auto Service, since her coolant slash transaxle light thingy starting flashing. I spent the next three hours rewriting "The Last Snowstorm of the Year," hopefully getting it close to ready to submit to the "Modern Love" column in The New York Times. It really wasn't before. I also got about halfway through a book I'm reviewing for make/shift, a review which will presumably be in the same issue as the pr0n review. Two in one issue! As always, being newly unemployed gets me to thinking about trying to find a way to write for a living, especially since it's getting increasingly evident that the whole webmonkey thing is passing me by. What the hell, I had a good ride of nearly fifteen years, with a few gaps here and there. The other thing I've been seriously considering, and one which pops into my head every few years, is becoming a librarian. Which will almost certainly require going back to school to an extent, seeing as how the minimum qualification for most jobs within the San Francisco Public Library system is (ahem) "a Masters of Library and Information Science (MLS or MLIS) degree from a library school accredited by the American Library Association." Which sounds scary as fuck, but that doesn't mean I can't do it, and it's probably more realistic than writing for a living, and it's a more realistic career for me as I head into my forties. Plus it's actually something I've always wanted to do. I just have to figure out how, and of course, I'll still require employment of some sort while pursuing the degree. Fun. Anyway, Eugene was unable to find anything actually wrong with Phoebe having to do with the coolant or anything else that might cause the light to come on. Which is a relief. Even better, in spite of the fact that he did work and rightfully incurred billable labor hours, he didn't charge me a dime. That right there, that's how you incur customer loyalty. Back to the gym now. Inspired by the Wednesday morning Bootcamp class, I've started increasing my cardio levels, amost getting back to what I used to do in '98 and '99. I'm older now, but that's no excuse. | ||
| ||
Sunday, 26 September 2010 (new jerusalem is near) 2:20pm Okayish turnout at Roommates From Hell last night, including the operations manager and her girlfriend. I expect she's the only former coworker who'll ever come to my shows in the future. Nobody else ever really cared, and what else is new? The person who actually hired me promised twice that he'd come to Bad Movie Night, but he never did. That's how it goes. Today's the Folsom Street Fair, but Marta and I sitting this one out. Just not feeling it. Not wanting to walk around with a particular destination. Been there, done that, bought the Zippo. I like it best when I have a place to be, like when I worked The Power Exchange's booth in 2007, or sitting in the window at Rimma's apartment with Ilene, like we did for both Dore Alley and Folsom in 2008. I'll return one of these years, when I have a reason to be there and am in better shape for it. | ||
| ||
Saturday, 25 September 2010 (seven steps toward the rainbow) 1:18pm Received a card from my recent place of employment, signed by everyone. Presumably everyone. Haven't checked. As soon as I realized what it was, I closed it. It's a nice gesture, I acknowledge that, but I'm still a bit hurty right now. Hit the gym this morning, and I've spent most of the day working on my story for Roommates From Hell tonight. Just reading, not hosting, which is a bit of a relief. Less pressure and all. Found an interesting call for submissions, for an "anthology of stories about our relationships to hospitals, medicine, and healthcare." And, though they're primarily looking for Canadian writers, they also "welcome submissions from individuals with marginalized and oppressed identities and are also interested in stories of being racialized, experiences of disablement, sexism, transphobia and homophobia." In other words, it's high time for me to write about the very bad doctor. | ||
| ||
Friday, 24 September 2010 (the road to sovereignty) 11:49am Cardio plus Damiel's class this morning, and back later this afternoon for another hour. In the meantime, getting through a ridiculous backlog of writing. There are worse backlogs to have, though. At some point very soon, I have to start the passport application process. I'm in two upcoming books based overseas, and there's no way I can realistically expect to be at the launches for either (it's laughably cute, really, how unrealistic my desires can be) since I can barely afford a passport let alone flights to foreign lands, but, you know, just in case. | ||
| ||
Thursday, 23 September 2010 (end of the harvest) 9:51pm Today did not go quite as planned. Our original intention was to wander through Golden Gate Park, communing with nature, but issues arose and instead we went to Miller's East Coast Deli for a Nova platter, followed by a trip to The Magazine and general wandering. We wound up back at Marta's, where we got caught up on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and marathoned Know Your Meme before it was finally time for me to return home. It was different than intended, but good. There were tears now and then, but not more than could be reasonably expected these days. | ||
| ||
Wednesday, 22 September 2010 (shadow of a shadow) 7:17am Most everyone refers to the Wednesday morning class as "Heat," as do the flyers posted around the gym, but the official schedule refers to it as "Bootcamp," which I prefer. No word yet on whether or not it'll be happening on Fridays, too. For as brutal as it is, I'd do it every morning if I could. 12:01pm The new kid is sitting right next to me. I mean, again, he's nice enough (and he looks the part in professional way that I never have and never will), and I don't think he's really even conscious of my presence, but, do not want. A couple of the new (paid? unpaid?) interns are here as well, and I'm trying my best to not have to hear them being told how to do my job. I'm not the one having to tell them, which I guess is a good thing, but gods, this already feels like the longest six hours of my life. I can just tell these next two hours are going to last forever. 1:33pm Frak me. I'd really hoped to get through the day without crying, but then the head of the department (who's been out of the office for the majority of these past few months while everything was changing) took me into the private meeting room, and if she asked if I was okay, well, it started. She's always been very sweet to me, much like the operations manager (both of whom offered me a hug, offers I gratefully accepted) which is probably why my defenses fell and I couldn't help sobbing a little. I could feel a large tear rolling down my right cheek, leaving a trail of eyeshadow in its wake, and while I maintain that few things are hotter than tear-streaked eyeliner, it wouldn't do to return to my desk looking quite so obvious. After staying in the room for a while longer to compose myself, I went into the bathroom, to remove the streak as best as I could, and returned to my desk to wait it out. 1:51pm Going now. A few minutes early, and without saying a word to anyone. Just have to leave. I liked working here, it's probably the best and most important job I've had in terms of what the organization is doing to change the world, and I wanted to stay here and be useful, I couldn't, I failed, so I'm gone. 6:58pm Marta and I are stting in Phoebe, at the very windy top of Twin Peaks, waiting for the Super Harvest Moon. Yay nature. sometime after midnight I could be wrong about this, since my (very sweet) upstairs neighbors tend to be a little leadfooted and their dog is not small, plus the ceiling above my bedroom is the unfortunately thinnest in the house and there's always a bit of ruckus late in the evening as they walk overhead to put out the dog, but—I think that Marta and I got a "keep the noise down!" bang on the ceiling while we were having particularly noisy sex. But, as I say, I could be wrong about that. | ||
| ||
Tuesday, 21 September 2010 (under the surface) 8:03am Jan van Rijn just wrote to tell me that he's almost finished with The Book of Hours (which includes three short-short stories of mine), and to get to my bio to include in the book. I may be failing at employment, but I'm at winning at my Work. I've emailed the operations manager, the head of my department and my supervisor to inform that tomorrow will be my last day with the company. As much as I'd like to ride it out, I just can't. I don't have the strength. 8:51am Since the kettle has been moved to an undisclosed location, I think I'll go down the hall to the cafe and get a mocha. It's been several months, and I think I've earned it. A comfort mocha! 9:14am Ugh. Or maybe not so comforting after all. Aside from the caffeine buzz, it didn't really do much for me, and the chocolate was unpleasantly overwhelming. I think I've lost my sweet tooth. Not that I ever really had much of a sweet tooth in the first place, and as The First points out, there are worse things to lose. 11:33am No response from anyone about the email. Silence implies consent, I guess. 1:21pm Had a private meeting with my supervisor. He said that he totally understood, even if it seemed a bit abrupt, though when he asked if the kid coming in yesterday had anything to do with my decision, I didn't lie. I also confirmed with him (after having already done so with the operations manager) that I do not want any kind of a sendoff or gathering. I just want to leave. 3:02pm Home, and heading to the gym. Needing it more than ever right now. | ||
| ||