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Saturday, 10 March 2007 (and in trouble) 7:40am Yeah, didn't think so.
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Friday, 9 March 2007 (a woman in love) sometime after midnight Tonight's Queer Open Mic was a tad underattended. A shame, but it happens. Afterwards, I walked to Sparky's with Gina De Vries, where we were joined by Melissa Gira. (tfts? not yet.) From there, they returned to Gina's place, and I went back to my car. As I was driving off, still undecided exactly what to do with myself, Sadie called and asked if I wanted to hang out. I picked her up, and we went to the Power Exchange, which she hasn't been to for some time. We stayed until about three. She played some—there were more than a few propsitions—but it was mostly just us talking, sitting fully clothed on the bed in the Blue Room discussing intersecting drama while at least one man wanked. The conversation continued, sans wanking, until about a quarter to four in front of her place. Here's to hoping the giraffe in my loft decides to sleep late. But it never does.
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Thursday, 8 March 2007 (a woman) 3:49pm Leyba wants to publish "Spread," my story about the Sexgoblin photo shoot, in his new book. In spite of the fact that I printed it one of my chapbooks, I've never liked the story. The content's fine, but I always thought the telling was very clunky, a combination of severe navel-gazing (even by my standards) and what Maddy calls "And then the Klingons attacked..." storytelling. So, I rewrote it, excising the majority of the "this is how I felt" stuff and cleaning up some of the sloppier sentences. I'm still way behind on the fashion essay, which is due a week from today. I'll finish it, or at least make it presentable. Probably. Hopefully. Who knows? I haven't gotten much writing done lately. Last week I had an excuse, what with the play and all, but not so much this week. My energy's all off, even though I'm eating and sleeping properly. I think it's because of what my body isn't getting.
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Wednesday, 7 March 2007 (unfolding around) 10:14am I applied to perform at Homo A Go Go for the first time this year. So, naturally, the show has been cancelled.
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Tuesday, 6 March 2007 (worlds within worlds) 8:52pm Meliza took us (that is, her Twilight Zone cast) out for a thank-you dinner tonight. I found myself thinking about the numbers involved in the show, how in theory there's a built-in audience for the show, what with so many different people involved every weekend. If each director or cast member has at least a couple people come to the show, it adds up nicely. As I say, it's a theory, and like all theories, there's a margin for error. In my case, nobody except Vash came to see it, nobody on my regular event email list nor anybody at my office. A few people said they would, but they didn't. Nothing new under this particular sun. Hell, I've been box office poison from the start, and I have no reason to expect that to change.
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Monday, 5 March 2007 (a mystery inside) 3:44pm After the show on Saturday night I had dinner with Jim and Erin, then walked to Church station and went home. Thought about hanging out in the Castro for a while, but wasn't sure where or what I might do. When I arrived home I sent out a few pings, ready to leave again if there was someplace to go, but got nothing. Vash called AAA early Sunday morning, got her car jumpstarted, and drove to the Black Light District. In spite of the fact that I've been quite sedentary the past couple months, we've yet to give up entirely on the idea of doing the Bay to Breakers together. I got into my neglected workout clothing, she showed me the stretches she's been doing, and we went back out to her car with the intention of driving to Lake Merced and running/powerwalking it. Unfortunately, her car was dead yet again. I called AAA. The guy replaced the battery entirely, but declared her starter kaput. (Well, the car's starter. Vash's starter is just fine.) When it was all over we didn't really have time to do the runwalk, so after a nap, we drove my junker to The Dark Room for the Twilight Zone matinee. Good show. I still avoided the second episode, which did them no harm whatsoever. We had a few hours to kill afterwards, so Vash and I got dinner, then walked to the Castro and back, stopping at Amnesia for a glass of wine. (Mmm. Early evening booze.) Bad Movie Night's feature was Jaws 3-D, the beginning of 3-D Month. Lots of fun, and a pretty swell turnout, all things considered. More than a little zonked, we went back to my place and crashed, unfortunately flaking on an event of Sadie's. We had her car towed this morning to a mechanic in my neighborhood, the once Collette recommended to me when mine experienced its own severe unhappiness a year and a half ago. Thankfully, Vash's office is in the same general direction as mine, so we were able to take the train together. She's gotten her car back by now, and I'll be seeing her later this week, or not.
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Saturday, 3 March 2007 (of a mystery) 6:49pm Vash and I saw Inland Empire this afternoon. I liked it—it's Lynch, of course I did—and I think Vash forgives me. 7:34pm Showtime's in a half an hour, and I'm hiding. Not where nobody can find me; Erin, at least, knows where I am, and I'll probably wander back out in a few and let Meliza know. But it's very dense and loud in Green Room, and I am so not in a crowded-room mood right now. Chatting with Vash on gmail. She was going to be here, but she had to drive back to Oakland after the movie to take care of stuff, and when she tried to leave again, her car was dead. Alas.
The show goes on. The show always goes on, I'm a firm believer in that principle. Certainly I've performed in worse shape than this. But I'm feeling dark, and I'm glad that this is more of a dramatic than a comedic role. My plan, my hope, my fear, is to use some of my current damage onstage. I know exactly what to think, what phrases to say to myself to make myself unstable and teary. I don't believe I've ever cried on stage, and this is the perfect night. Bleed for your art, says I.
I'm hiding again, with Lustmord's "Black Star" playing to block the mostly distant sound of the stage.. I don't want to hear the second episode. I'm doing my best to pretend they don't exist. They have a right to exist, sure, but I have a right to ignore said existence. Don't know what I'm doing after the show. Don't know what I want to do. My car's back in the Sunset, since the original plan had been for Vash to be here. Maybe just go home and call it a night, which sounds kinda sad, but not much else sounds better. The Power Exchange is the obvious one, but I'm not sure I'm up for the crushing disappointment and frustration it would bring. I like it there a lot, I have friends and I feel comfortable, but precious little ever actually happens, since I'm seldom brave enough to overcome my niche status. I'm not expecting much to happen there or elsewhere for a long time, the first real cold spell since after I broke up with Maddy. Might as well get used to it.
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Friday, 2 March 2007 (a story) 3:32pm Yay. After nearly two years of somewhat ill-defined webmonkey work, I'm now officially updating the front page of NakedSword. That means they have to keep me. sometime after midnight The Twilight Zone premiered tonight. Our episode had some opening-night gltiches, nothing we couldn't get past. Unfortunately, the second episode is based largely around an extended "homosexual panic because of a boy in a dress" joke, with some Jew jokes thrown in for good measure, to assure that both me and my girlfriend feel targeted.. Fucking breeders. I don't care if they're straight or not:
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Thursday, 1 March 2007 (crossing again) 10:12am Went to Vash's art opening for a little before hitting rehearsal. She joined me at the Dark Room after her show was over, and we returned to the Black Light District. My body was feeling better, and the estrogoo was successfully injected. I do believe I'm getting the hang of it. 5:27pm well, poles shift, y'know? magnetic north drops half a hemisphere, your compass goes all screwy and you end up driving into the ocean. it's life, and life only.
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