My Face for the World to See (Part II): The Diary of Sherilyn Connelly a fiction January 1 - 10, 2002

Thursday, 10 January 2002 (rags to rags) 11:37am I did manage to catch Wisconsin Death Trip yesterday. Remember, before putting the sheep's head into the soup, remove the eyes. The tongue can apparently stay where it is, though. 4:19pm A position not dissimilar to the one I was ousted from has opened up at my old company, and as if to prove that I can't leave well enough alone, I'm applying for it. They've never responded to any of my previous applications so I have no reason to believe they will now, but if nothing else it's filler for the job hunt section on the back of my unemployment paperwork. I met Maddy at the company's new building last night. I got there right at closing time and stayed outside for a while, to better dodge the people I didn't want to see. And they are legion. It's also hard not to wonder whether I'd still be employed if not for the expense of the new building. Not something I'll ever know, and probably shouldn't. From there we met Costanza and Talia in Chinatown. Costanza's in town on business, though Dana is still in Chicago. Much to my surprise, when I hesitantly suggested my favorite vegetarian restaurant in Chinatown, Costanza's eyes lit up. I've always gotten the impression he's quite the carnivore, and in fact he is, but apparently in the City O' Wind he's been eating meat and little else, and the thought of eating something with chlorophyll rather than cholesterol appealed to him. Unfortunately, the restaurant I'd had in mind was closed (no taro root fish for me), but another a few doors down fit the bill nicely. We got mostly veggie dishes, including garlic-soaked broccoli (just stalks, no crowns) and spinach, all very green. Quite yummy, and it was nice to be reminded that decent Chinese food doesn't have to be soaked in grease. Last | Top | Next

Wedded, 9 January 2002 (you little punks think you own this town) 11:18am Wisconsin Death Trip is playing a matinee at the Castro today. That'll keep me away from my computer so I can't break it again. Considering that I didn't even begin to approach anything resembling sleepiness until three in the morning, I think I need to reconsider my use of caffeine in the evening. I had maybe a half-dozen (which is to say, six) Penguin Mints before the class last night for fear that it would be like any other class or meeting and it would be impossible for me to stay awake. I overprepared, it seems. Still, for having gotten no more than four or five hours of sleep last night, I'm doing okay now, though I'll be bringing some along to the movie. Just in case. The garage to the north of us is the one in which the loud construction has been going on. For the last few days, however, the garage door to our immediate south has been standing open (not at night, mind you, suggesting they're at least a little more responsible than our upstairs neighbors), leading me to thoughts to horrible to contemplate. No noise yet, but it's only a matter of time. they're closing in on all sides... Last | Top | Next

In this world of shit Baby you are it A little light that shines all over Must take over and see us through the night Daddy was a troubled genius Mama was a real good egg Why don't we just get together For whatever and see if it's alright I spent so many days Just staring at the haze And I think that that's a book That I don't have to write again Now when I rise I shine I got you on my mind And the question isn't if The question is merely when... Baby I confess I am quite a mess So let's get married and make some people More than equal in this world of shit I will make a pledge To get down off the ledge You and I belong together And forever we will have our love E, "World of Shit" Tuesday, 8 January 2002 (wood floors) 12:25pm 703 on the crosstrainer this morning. I know that calorie-counting is a bad thing, but that's just regarding consumption, right? Is counting burning okay? I didn't go to the gym yesterday morning because I ended up in Berkeley, and the first thing I did when I got home was shave. Getting read put a nasty zap on my head, and I decided that my skin was sufficiently healed to withstand a judiciously applied razor. Fortunately, it seems I was right, and my face doesn't seem any worse for the wear. All the same, I doubt I'll be leaving the apartment without at least foundation on in the near future. As for the CD-R drive, all is more or less well. The tray is still broken, but thankfully we had two (2) spare drives. One was a regular CD-ROM drive which Maddy's mother for some reason sent us a while back, and the other was the original CD-R that was in the system, the one that never really worked properly because of post-gap issues (or something). The latter is currently installed, and is functioning in spite of having been in a box in the garage for the last two years. Sometimes I'm just enough of a geek to be useful. sometime after midnight I spoke too soon—the drive is turning out coasters, and plenty of 'em. Which is why I replaced it to begin with. What makes the timing particularly annoying was that I was in the process of filling the gaps in our sixth season Buffy episodes by making VCDs of episodes downloaded from Morpheus. Not that there's a good time for a relatively expensive computer component to die. I overdressed for the editing workshop tonight. I got mostly made up (not quite full battle gear, but more than foundation), and wore a fishnet shirt over a tank top. Not incredibly dressy, I suppose—and something which I use to wear frequently last year—but it felt like I was putting a little more effort into it than usual. I think I was still reeling a little bit from what happened in Berkeley, not to mention that there'd been a quasi-goth/rockabilly girl at the orientation last night, so I figured if she could do it, I could do it. I've also been wearing the damn beret recently for warmth reasons, but instead put my hair up in a high ponytail based on the notion that it somewhat softens my appearance. Every bit helps. Costanza's in town on business, and suggested going to Camera Obscura, the club which took the place of Roderick's. I declined since I knew I wouldn't be home until late. Which was true, as I didn't get home until half past eleven. It's now a quarter to one and I'm still wide awake, making me wish I'd taken him up on his offer. Since he actually has work tomorrow he probably wouldn't have wanted to stay out this late, though. And, since raining and pouring are a matching set, Laurel wrote one of her every-several-month emails to tell me she'd be there tonight too. Oh well. Maybe sometime in 2003. Anyway, the editing thing tonight went very well. From a social standpoint there were no problems, and the only pronoun violation was quickly self-corrected and sincerely apologized for. I still concern myself with these things and probably always will, because, after all, this is their world, not mine. As for the class itself, though the learning curve was somewhat steep because of the sheer amount of information to take in, it was rather fun and I'm getting the hang of it. Or so the instructor told me at the end, which felt nice. Even if it does increase the pressure on me not to do something really stupid in the remaining two classes this Thursday and next Tuesday. And tomorrow night the plan is to have dinner with Costanza. Wow, I'm actually venturing out in the world in the evenings. It's not so bad after all. Last | Top | Next

Monday, 7 January 2002 (signals from above) 2:30pm Let's see. I woke up this morning from a very long dream involving being back at the video store (which appeared to be the old Video Zone in Fresno, but interpreted by my mind as Le Video); I got clocked on the street in Berkeley, complete with "Hey, that's a guy!"; and now the tray of my CD-R drive won't go back in, which I think means it's broken. I'm pretty sure the latter wouldn't have happened if there'd been a 1pm showing of Wisconsin Death Trip at the Castro like I'd originally thought, but there wasn't, so instead I was at home and able to break my computer. Meanwhile, I'm fighting off the urge to go next door, find the guy with the hammer—which isn't metaphoric for a damn thing, it really is a guy with a hammer—and cause severe cranial trauma. (To him, although the temptation to save some for myself is strong.) And this is only a week into the year. I wonder if anything will still be standing in twelve months. 10:15pm Ten in the evening, and their garbage can is out on the sidewalk. And we're the irreconcilable ones. We attended an orientation at Access SF (nee Cityvisions) tonight, and I'm taking an editing workshop tomorrow. It's not work-related and will ultimately generate no income whatsoever, but I'm sure my mom will be thrilled that I'm finally doing something tangentially related to my degree. Not that the words "cats and underground music" appear anywhere on said degree, but pick pick. Meanwhile, I've developed what appears to be a bruise on my chin. Not sure where it came from. I don't recall something like this having appeared after zapping before, but that's the most likely culprit. Lucky me, a new birthmark in a highly visible place. Last | Top | Next

Sunday, 6 January 2002 (below the bellows) 9:16am Actually, I'm probably not close to being done. I mainly said that to reassure myself. I mean, I've come a long way, but that wasn't my last appointment, or even second or third. Or anything in the single digit range. It took him two hours to clear my face, bringing the total up to 208 hours. I'd only planned on being there for an hour, but it took longer, so there you go. 4:40pm So my latest unemployment check arrived. The middle initial was successfully removed, but in the process my first and last name were reversed—"Connelly Sherilyn" on the check itself, and simply "C. Sherilyn" on the stub. Sometimes it's difficult to remember that it's not personal. Still, though, of all agencies to be so sloppy about it... Meanwhile, the premarin crunch finally hit; the pharmacy I've been going to has run out of 2.50mg premarin, so I now have to take two (2) 1.25mg pills twice daily. Until they run out of those, which is bound to happen eventually, and then I move on to .625mg pills. I don't even want to do the math on how many I'd have to take then. Last | Top | Next

Saturday, 5 January 2002 (mating rituals of the bespectacled ver. 2.1) 8:09am The second book in the Lord of the Rings series is called The Two Towers. Anyone wanna wager the name of the movie will be changed for "sensitivity" reasons? Getting zapped this morning. Maddy's coming along to get a few errant chin hairs. She thinks they're practically a goatee, whereas I can barely seem them all, and I get much closer to her face than anyone else. (Membership has its advantages.) Of course, I usually think my growth is much more obvious than it is; I haven't shaved since last Saturday, and I felt a little embarrassed when Newman came over yesterday and saw it, though I doubt he was really aware. I think I'm pretty close to being done anyway. Last | Top Next

Friday, 4 January 2002 (hellhole) 1:12pm A detail I neglected to mention yesterday is The Gangs of New York is set in the 1860s. What, are they worried there's going to be a wide shot and someone might get all upset by seeing where the WTC will be built 110 years later? Yes, probably. 710 calories on the cross-trainer this morning, though I went for a few minutes longer because I wanted to let "The Fall of Adam" from Holy Wood finish. I used the same settings and went for the same amount of time as yesterday (give or take the aforementioned few minutes), but apparently worked harder. I have no idea why that is. I'm amazed I was able to find the willpower to go at all. Considering that I just had my third bowl of cereal, it's a good thing I did. I think when soymilk combines with shredded wheat, it becomes heroin. It would explain the cravings. Their radio was loud, as always, and I couldn't help but listen to part of a PSA. It was a little girl saying something about how if every family would just turn off one 100-watt bulb, then the state's energy reserves would benefit by yea much, or the bills would be lower, or something. I missed that part, because I was dumbfounded by the thought that anyone would have a 100-watt bulb. I'd just be shielding my eyes the entire time. That's just the way the other 99% live, though, starting with our upstairs neighbors. So I parked a door or two away from my building when I returned from the gym this morning. As I was approaching the front gate, I heard noise from inside. "Flight" won out and I beat it back to the car and waited for the noise to go away. The garage door opened; it was the neighbor and what I presumed to be a houseguest (based on the noise above our bedroom last night), loading the car and driving away. I don't know if they saw me or not. I think it was best for all involved that I didn't run into them, though. I don't know if depressives are drawn to places with that certain funereal ambience or if, in all their contagion, they make them that way. I know only that for my entire junior year of college, I slept under a six-foot-square poster emblazoned with the words LOVE WILL TEAR US APART, and then I wondered why nothing good ever happened in that bed. But it wasn't just my bedroom. It was the whole apartment. It felt sickly, shady. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that it's been turn into a crack house or a shooting gallery since I moved out. Or, better yet, a halfway house for recovering vampires. The place was as dark at noon as it was at midnight. It was the perfect site for a nervous breakdown. —Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation Newman came over to work on the computer today. He was able to free up the extra hard drive space, but was not able to install the new CPU. Long story short, we need a new motherboard. I'd like to think that with a new motherboard and the eventual new graphics card, the major parts will have been sufficiently replaced and the machine's curse will be lifted. I did a lot of dumb things in '99 and made a lot of mistakes, but sometimes I think the most important lesson I learned was this: don't have your ex-girlfriend's boyfriend build a computer for you. It's just bad mojo. On a vaguely related note, The Ex tells me that the aforementioned boyfriend lost his job. Talk about the rain falling on the just and the unjust alike. (Because, you see, unlike myself, he was genuinely skilled in his field. It's very harsh out there.) Last | Top | Next

Thursday, 3 January 2002 (myoclyonic lullaby) 6:42am N'Sync in Attack of the Clones? Don't care. Doesn't matter. George Lucas can do whatever he wants, and we'll either go en masse to the movie or we won't. Odds are we will, no matter how much we bitch about it ahead of time. I think he knows that. And, in the end, it's just a movie. So why am I so bothered that Martin Scorsese's The Gangs of New York has been pushed back until next year? It's also just a movie, right? Yep. I guess what grates at me is that it's being delayed because it has New York in the title (we're all New Yorkers Now), and in the words of huge disgusting slug-like Miramax boss Harvey Weinstein, they've decided to "err on the side of sensitivity and postpone the release of the film until 2002." As is so often the case these days, words fail me. Insert your own joke about the terrorists winning. 5:24pm Another hour on the crosstrainer this morning, another 650 calories burnt, another fifty-odd pages into Prozac Nation. I was a little surprised that the gym wasn't a little busier than it was, then I realized that most of the Resolutioners probably have day jobs and therefore can't work out at 8:30am. I almost didn't go this morning, citing my facial hair as an excuse. I haven't shaved since last Saturday, to allow a week's growth time for an appointment this upcoming Saturday. But between the excessively greasy chinese food and Walgreen's ice cream (not quite as greasy) last night, I figured it would be worth the risk. No problem there, plus I got appropriately ma'am'ed when I went shopping later in the day, so I guess I'm not looking excessively masculine right now. Yesterday on the train I suspected a couple of girls kept giving me the nudge-and-point, but I can't be sure. An article on public access television that doesn't mention Queen Bee TV? Seems wrong, somehow. Newman is coming over tomorrow to install our computer's new CPU, which will hopefully solve the walking/chewing gum conflicts we've been dealing with for the last year. I still haven't gotten the graphics card from Fallon yet, but one thing at a time. Last | Top | Next

Wednesday, 2 January 2002 (brown dwarf) 4:52pm I did it last year, so I might as well do it again. I've only seen twenty-one movies this year, so a list of ten would be pushing it. A list of three, then, alphabetically: 1. Memento 2. Moulin Rouge 3. Mulholland Drive I guess it was a good year for "M" movies. The other stuff I saw: Apocalypse Now Redux, Blow, Evolution, Final Fantasy, Hannibal, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade, Julie Johnson, Jurassic Park III, Keep the River On Your Right, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Planet of the Apes, The Secrets of Silicon Valley, Sexy Beast and Shrek. I feel like I'm cheating a little with Jurassic Park III and Planet of the Apes since I saw them two days ago on DVD, but considering that a lot of critics review movies from videotape screeners, I guess it's okay. I've decided I need an official stance on remakes. Everyone else has one, so I figure I should, too. And it's that I don't care. Honestly. I feel no indignation that the diabolical they (read: Steven Soderbergh) dared remake Ocean's 11, which was never considered to be all that good a movie to begin with. And even if it was regarded as a classic, I still wouldn't give a damn. A remake of Forbidden Planet is in the works, and I don't mind. I love the original, and it'll always be there. And the new one may even be entertaining. Who knows? I also suspect a lot of people who didn't have a strong opinion of Planet of the Apes besides watching when they happened on it while channel-surfing suddenly started treating it like Gone With the Friggin' Wind when Tim Burton accepted the project in an effort to keep his career alive. Indeed, my main problem with the movie was that it didn't feel like a Tim Burton movie to me. It could have been made by anyone. We happened upon Beetlejuice on teevee later, and the difference was palpable. Beetlejuice. Now that's a movie they should remake. Last | Top | Next

Tuesday, 1 January 2002 (ballad of the panatonic) 8:57am Okay, now what? Last | Top | Next