My Face for the World to See (Part II): The Diary of Sherilyn Connelly a fiction December 11 - 20, 2001

Thursday, 20 December 2001 (a light 'til doomsday) 10:21am The power went off last night. Not immediately; we woke up around half past eleven to find the clocks flickering and the nightmare light (not to be confused with a nightlight, since we're adults) considerably dimmed. Enough power was going into my alarm clock to power the radio, which remained audible even if I turned it down all the way and attempted to shut the damn thing off, so I unplugged it. Madeline's work-issued cellphone, which was plugged in to recharge, was also chirping like mad. It sounded so confused. Not half as confused as I was, though. Late at night, mid-December, the power was off (or so close to off as to not make a difference), and it was warm, almost hot. I'm still not sure why that is, as we don't have any kind of heating system to begin with. But there it was. Between that and the dim, flickering appliances, I got a sense of what it might be like to die but not quite leave this world. (Or maybe I was just flashing on a Deep Space Nine episode, since I seem to be incapable of an original thought lately.) 5:14pm An ex dot-commer who has an online diary (if a sparsely updated one). How much lower could that make me in some eyes? 8:42pm Among the dangers inherent in not going outside all day long (besides getting used to not having to deal with the hell that is other people) is forgetting to make sure your car is moved on street cleaning days and getting ticketed. Whoops. That's two sushi dinners right there. 9:35pm We're going to Fresno on Sunday, the same day Astrid's heading back to L.A., so we won't be getting together with her. It looks like there's a chance in hell of actually hanging out with Danny. It'll be the first time I've seen him since April of '99, and of course Maddy's never met him at all. Besides, of all the people from the Before Time, he seems most likely to compliment me on my appearance. Pardon me this moment of astonishing shallowness, but the only positive comment that I received in Vegas (the last time I was around a group of people who hadn't seen me in a long time) was backhanded at best, saying that they has been "worried" about how I might look. Because I might have shown up in a rainbow wig, perhaps? Never can tell with us drag queens. Anyway, I won't be disappointed if he doesn't say something, but...well, okay, yeah, I will be. Last | Top | Next

Wednesday, 19 December 2001 (no reason) 5:51am At the risk of sounding hostile to families, I hate hate hate the Baby Gap ads in bus shelters all over the city. I realize that all babies are cute and adorable (not to mention miracles, each and every one of 'em), but there's something disconcerting about having 7' versions of this staring at you from the side of the road when you're trying to drive. It probably makes the SUV-and-cellphone crowd wet themselves, though, which is surely the intention. If nothing else, it's a sign that xmas is fast approaching. Otherwise, it doesn't feel like it to me. Seasonally, it doesn't feel like much of anything. I'm very cold, but that would probably be the case no matter what. Last | Top | Next

Tuesday, 18 December 2001 (tuesday breakdown) 5:09pm I did my bit to help the economy today and bought the Twin Peaks First Season DVD Set today. More specifically, I used my credit at Amoeba on Haight, which I guess is almost the same. Regardless of what the president wants, I can't quite bring myself to engage in conspicuous consumption with real cash at the moment, since it's very finite. And going into debt ain't worth it. I did buy a $4 skirt at Goodwill, which is something. I also couldn't help but notice that Wasteland has taken down their flag. I guess after a couple months patriotism ceased being profitable. Either that, or they now support the terrorists. Much more likely. Last | Top | Next

Monday, 17 December 2001 (o.d. catastrophe) 1:56pm So it turns out that George Lucas' people never properly submitted the proper financial documentation to the Presidio Trust in '99, although they were then awarded the development deal in the Presidio. Why exactly this happened is unclear, although I'm guessing the horror that is Jar-Jar hadn't quite sunk in yet. The reason I'm interested in this arcane bit of local politicking at all is that CNET (via an evil real estate mogul) was the other main competitor and I was the primary coder on our official site. The only evidence is a commented-out credit in the un-archived Credits page, so like the others I don't expect it to do much for my hireability. Just a little echo. 3:35pm Well, it was bound to happen eventually. To change my name on one of my two student loans, the usurers will only accept the court documentation. From the Nolo Press book I do have a list of California court decisions proving that I don't need to go through the courts to change my name (kinda ironic, really), but that probably won't matter to them since they're not in California. Worth a shot, though. Besides, I just haven't banged my head about this enough yet. Last | Top | Next

Sunday, 16 December 2001 (drifting in wire) 9:19am I've been sleeping later these days, and I don't like it. Even getting Maddy out of bed for work doesn't quite do it, since she's been missing a lot of work because of her migraines and upper body problems. As a result she's being pressured into taking a medical leave of absence, which may or may not help, particularly if the conditions of her job don't change. And, unfortunately, whether or not it'll be a paid leave is up in the air. Anyway, it's disconcerting to not automatically wake up at half past five in the morning, even on a weekend. I don't doubt that when I once again have somewhere to go on (weekday) mornings I'll be able to get up early with no problem, but it's troublesome all the same. I don't want to be the kind of unemployed person that sleeps until noon. On Monday I saw a posting on craigslist for a receptionist at a chiropractor's office out here in the Sunset District. It had only been posted a few hours previous, so I replied immediately, leaving a message on their machine and emailing my resume as requested. It was part-time and didn't pay a lot, but I found it intriguing (Maddy's been seeing her chiropractor on a very regular basis, so I'm getting more curious about the whole deal), plus I like the idea of not having to commute downtown. Anyway, the recording said they'd be getting in touch with people in the next few days. Needless to say, I haven't heard anything. Today, I see the listing has been removed entirely. That, I guess, settles that. Burnout, Brian and Phred all have leads of varying potential for me. Networking is pretty much the only way to get anywhere these days, so I'm a little more hopeful about those than emailing resumes from online job listings. But not by much. Phred was over yesterday afternoon along with Lilith and Jayne. Low-key event, just hanging out, eating fondue and bon-bons, smoking grass and talking. Y'know, mellow. (I can smoke during the day while interacting with other people just fine. It's at night when Maddy and I are alone on the couch watching movies that the desperate nihilism hits. And when I'm by myself during the day isn't even an option.) We've been living together for over two years now and we've only had casual visitors (as opposed to computer maintenance or landlord stuff) a handful of times. It's an average we're going to try to improve. 10:54am Aleister is becoming a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence. Just goes to show, it's the quiet ones you gotta keep an eye on. Last | Top | Next

Saturday, 15 December 2001 (can i sleep now?) 12:15pm Halfway through December already. I know I couldn't wait for the month to be over—nothing to do with the holidays and everything to do with the holiday season—but jeez, these aren't the circumstances in which time is supposed to fly, are they? There's been some kind of construction going on in the garage next door all week long, usually manifesting itself as hammering a few feet away from our heads. (Living in a converted garage we're parallel with other peoples' garages, don'tchaknow.) They seem to be taking today off, which is a good thing. I just had a horrifying thought: what if they're building another apartment? The thought of having neighbors on the other side of our living room wall is a terrifying one, if only because with our luck we'd get loud people. God, it would be almost like living in the city itself. (Okay, that's not fair; Maddy and I can both attest that Clay Center, Kansas and Fresno both offer housing situations wherein very loud people intrude upon your aural space. It's not at all specific to metropolitan life.) How NIMBY of me is that, anyway? Last | Top | Next

Friday, 14 December 2001 (far from me) 2:54pm Thanks to The Internet Archive, I can actually include on my resume links to reasonable facsimilies of pages I worked on in '97 and '98, like Autodesk's Education By Design Magazine (which if nothing else is a great resource for every rollover trick in the book) and nike.com (though the embodiment of pure evil it got me employed for the next four years, and besides, every day I take a medication which is derived from cruelty to pregnant horses for a non-life-threatening condition—all of which is to say, my soul is long since beyond redemption). Not that it matters 'cuz odds are against me ever working in that field again, but it's nice to know they're there. I guess we're officially in a bad neighborhood now, because there's graffiti across the street: NAZI PUNX FUCK OFF. Personally, I would have gone with MTV GET OFF THE AIR (seems as timely now as ever), but that's just me. And I can only imagine how they would have mangled the spelling of GIVE ME CONVENIENCE OR GIVE ME DEATH. (Because they're all Dead Kennedys titles, you see...) I'm more or less healthy again. Not quite, but close. Before I'd gotten sick I'd been planning on going to a field recordings show called Field Effects tonight—the fact that this sort of thing happens at all is one of reasons I'm glad I live in San Francisco—but I don't want to risk aggravating the cold, particularly since we're expecting that rare creature company tomorrow. Ergo. Last | Top | Next

Thursday, 13 December 2001 (living in the material world (that's not a madonna reference)) 5:26pm Except that the card doesn't work. I was attempting to order a laser pointer from spencergifts.com (as we've recently discovered they make the greatest kitty toys ever) when I got a rather ugly error message telling me the card number was invalid. So I called Wells Fargo and was informed that no sooner had I called and activated the card yesterday was it then cancelled. Why? Because the "graduation upgrade"—which I'd immediately disposed of—is in fact my new real card, never mind the fact that the name was wrong and it arrived after I'd requested the name change. So I get to wait for them to resend me the name change paperwork (7-10 days, possibly longer because it's the holiday season) and go through the whole waiting process again, because they fiddled when they should have faddled. I suppose it's partially my fault, too—if I'd kept the new card, or at least the number, I could use it for online stuff, which I don't do a lot of anyway—but that's just the way the system works, and I'm not so paranoid as to think this a deliberate attempt to stall me. I could switch to another megacorporate bank, but frankly, I have no reason to believe the grass is greener anywhere else. So Mina will have to wait a while for her new toy. Last | Top | Next

Wednesday, 12 December 2001 (what is this note?) 1:09pm Also recently arrived—today, in fact—is yet another credit card, this time with the proper name. I'm still not buying into the "graduation upgrade" business; I think they goofed, pure and simple, and were covering for it. No matter. It's finally done, and now I can only hope the change doesn't screw with my credit rating too much, such as it is. The name change has also gone through with the bank proper, with an "AKA" for the time being. It's a bit more prominent than I'd expected; the statement says "Sherilyn Connelly AKA Jeffrey Robert Connelly." Right there on the envelope, for all to see. (Well, for all who look at my mail, anyway.) I don't like that at all. Shouldn't bug me, really, but it does. At least it's an incentive to get everything switched over as soon as possible. The plot thickens upstairs. The landlord husband came by on Monday night to count our light fixtures and get a more specific sense of our energy usage. It seems the utility bills have been way too high, even accounting for the PG&E raising their rates, and the neighbors have accused us of being the wasteful ones, in spite of our apartment being roughly one third the size of theirs. The landlord knows it's bullshit, but decided to look into it anyway. The conclusion he reached is that our energy use is very conservative and therefore the problem is not with us, but rather the people upstairs who leave lights on when they go out of town for days on end, including the track lighting for their "art gallery," an array of bulbs whose collective wattage is probably higher than all the lights in our apartment. While he was talking to us, one of the neighbors returned, and the landlord got to hear the ear-shattering gate slam that we have to put up with all the time. It looked to me like he cringed just a little, thinking about the increased maintenance caused by that sort of thing. We decided that the door-slamming and inability to turn off lights was pretty much just a matter of upbringing; I guess that if you're raised in a barn, the habits can be hard to break. And why break them when you can blame someone else for the results? I swear, the older I get, the less I'm convinced that there's truly such a thing as "maturity." In any event, it's always a good thing to have the landlord on your side, which they very much are. Sick, still. Last | Top | Next

Tuesday, 11 December 2001 (the hat on the bed) 10:01pm My annual cold has arrived. So much for the benefits of healthy living. Last | Top | Next